


Grounded

by Isrut



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I haven't written anything in almost a decade, I wrote words and paragraphs, Lots of set up, M/M, PTSD!Poe Dameron, Stormpilot, coma!finn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-10 14:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5590126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isrut/pseuds/Isrut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Starkiller has just been destroyed, and there's a celebration happening back on D'Qar. But not everyone that went on the mission is back to celebrate. Finn is in a coma and Rey is off to find Skywalker, Poe has to come to terms with what happened to him on the Finalizer and how can he cope with that while waiting for Finn to wake up.</p><p>Excerpt: </p><p>Poe felt his throat hitch. Emotions were getting to him. How could he help? He felt useless. He couldn’t help the resistance and he couldn’t help Finn. The pilot flopped into the chair, which creaked with the force and weight. BB-8 let out a low moaning sound of commiseration, and rolled up to Poe’s side wobbling slightly as he stopped. Poe hadn’t felt this low in a long time, he groped around and gripped at Finns upper arm.</p><p>“Buddy… Buddy you gotta wake up, yeah?” He pleaded for a moment, voice scratchy and rough with need. The need to things to be okay. “Maybe the general can lift my grounding when you wake. I can take you flying… This planet’s really beautiful.” His fingers rubbed the fabric of Finn’s sleeve together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Few Days

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written fanfiction in a long time. This work is no where near done but if I didn't find a break point this post would have been even longer.

Starkiller base had been defeated, and the survivors of the fight were following the Millennium Falcon back to the base on Q’Dar for a celebration. There were crowds waiting for them, excited to welcome them back home. The Falcon landed first, then Poe and those left of Black Squadron. The very excited ‘Best Pilot in the Resistance’ leapt from the cock pit and ran to greet those who had gathered. The remaining squadron members followed not long after, cheers bursting from the resistance members as they came. However, not many people noticed the last ones to leave their ship. The only one at first to notice this was Leia, who was waiting for Han to come down the landing ramp of the Falcon, fully knowing he won’t, hoping she was wrong. The person who did come down the ramp was a girl Leia had only heard about, but not yet seen. But the solemn embrace they shared made it feel like they’ve known each other for lifetimes, and shared the same heartache. 

 

Poe on the other hand had left himself get swept up in the praise of others, and drifted in the ebb and flow of happy people. It took him a moment to realize the faces he was looking were not there. A sudden sickly coldness dropped into his stomach. Where were Finn and the others? Why were they not by his side celebrating as well? He turned and forced his way back through the crowd, giving quick nods and smiles to those who cheered for him along the way. Once loose of the clapping hands and moving bodies he broke away running toward the cargo freighter. What he noticed was that the original crew had gained Rey but lost Han. And being carried down the ramp in the arms of a wookie was.

 

“Finn!” Poe’s voiced rasped out louder than he intended, his feet carried him forward clumsily. As he got closer he could smell singed fabric and flesh. Rey moved to stop him from colliding with Chewie. “No, _god_ , let me see.” Poe tried to push through her but she was stronger than she looked.

 

Leia moved Poe’s side as well. Her hand both gentle and commanding held on to Poe’s shoulder. He tensed and glanced back at her. The expression on his general’s face was calm, but her eyes were drenched in sorrow. 

 

“He needs to be taken to med bay, quickly.” She told Poe, though she spoke to the entire small group standing around her. A guttural growl of acknowledgement came from Chewie and he wasted no time in walking away from the ship toward the inside of the base; he was met half way by a gurney. Rey had called in the help from medbay just before landing.

 

The pilot moved to go after them, but Leia did not let up from his shoulder. “No. Let the medical team see him, let him be for now.” Poe wasn’t looking at Leia, but past her, watching Rey oversee Finn being taken away. Noticing eyes on her, Rey turned her head to glance at him. This must have been the man Finn had talked about, the one he landed on Jakku with. His only other friend. The man’s face seemed twisted and unsure, but in almost another instant it was like a mask had settled over him. It was as if he was giving in for the moment. Some reason teetering into him.

 

“Yeah… Yeah okay.” He mumbled. Leia loosened her hand and dropped it by her side. Poe looked to his general and remembered himself a bit more before ducking his head, partially ashamed at also not recognizing her pain as well. She had lost her husband, and possibly more. She shouldn’t be here trying to comfort him over his friend, but her finding a way to…. His mouth opened to say something, eyes down cast a moment before she just gave him and nudge. 

 

“Go, celebrate. It’s hard but the moral boost will be good. When he’s okay to be seen, I’ll have staff come find you both.”  Leia urged them along. Poe took a moment, and his lips twitched up in to a half grin, a bit forced, but it was a start. Rey, not one for much touch or consoling, did take the pilot by the wrist and smiled before walking with him back to the people still cheering on the landing bay. Leia watched for a moment and turned to look at the Falcon. This ship held more memories than anything else she had. Chewie had come back to her side before they both walked into the ship for a moment away.

 

Rey hadn’t been to a celebration before and it amused Poe to watch her ease into interacting with people. Everyone asked how she escaped and what happened on the planet and she did he best to tell the tale about how she used the force to escape. How Han, Chewie and Finn had come to find her. How Han died, and how Finn did his best to protect her. About the battle with Kylo Ren. The crowd had hooted and hollered in the beginning but as the story grew to a grimmer close they all made a toast to those who had lost their lives to save many. After a few somber moments someone started up some music and people warmed up to celebrating again.

 

Poe, though, now understood more about the shape Finn was in, and it made him itch to get to med bay. Every time he’d try to get up to leave, however, a comrade would come shove a drink in his hand and drag him back into the fray. Rey had similar interactions, though she seemed to easily refuse drinks being handed to her, caving in to maybe one or two, but nothing more. It wasn’t long though before greatest pilot in the resistance was drunk and dancing with some of the others. And for an hour or so he forgot that someone he cared about was in critical condition.

 

A nurse came in and found Rey, standing off to the side, watching the dwindling party and the last of the drunken fiascos. “He’s stable.” The nurse said softly to Rey. “But he’s not awake.” Rey glanced out to the fighter pilot whose energy was draining as he moved off the floor to slump onto a bench. “He’s in a coma; we’ve done what we can for now.” Poe seemed to be laughing for a moment, or was he crying. “Would you and your friend like to come see him?” Rey hesitated; she wondered about the pilot and if he was even okay to come see him. Weighing the options, she decided to give Poe at least the choice of coming.

 

“Let me go talk to him… and then I’ll come with you.” Rey said with a nod. The nurse glanced out to the pilot and gave a nod in return.  With her attention off the nurse she moved across the room and to where Poe was slumped.

 

“Mister Dameron…” She started before touching his shoulder. Poe jerked back from Rey’s touch. No, not jerked, flinched. It almost was instinctive, but she tried not to think about it. Slowly Poe looked up at her, eyes weary and bleary, and it took his hazy mind a moment to fathom a reason that this jedi, or whatever she was, needed him. Then at the instance of realization he stood up, knocking back the bench some with a wild look.

 

“Is he…” His voice was rough and slow, his body a little unsteady, just like his words and mind.

 

“He’s stable but he’s not awake…” Rey took a small step back from him to give the man some room as he processed this. “He’s in a coma.” She continued when it took longer for him to put the pieces together. “But Finn is okay to be seen.”  

 

A sick feeling settled into Poe again. Now he wasn’t sure if it was because of the news or the alcohol or both. Finn was … well he was Finn. He survived the first order, crashes, and firefights. He couldn’t be in a coma. Finn was too resilient for that. He took a step back and frowned.

 

“No…” Anger replaced the ill feeling he had. “No, No way. Finn’s…Finn’s stronger than that.” He said, getting louder with each word, taking a slightly agitated step towards Rey. Rey held up her hands defensively. Poe twitched slightly in reaction and then with a frustrated sound marched off shouting at anyone in his way. No, Finn just needed sleep. Finn would be fine in the morning. The lies one told their self to make things feel right.

 

The scavenger gave a sigh and her body sagged some before wandering back to the nurse who gave her an apologetic look. “Just me then.” Rey mumbled and rubbed at her neck. It was probably better this way, Poe wasn’t quite in a good state of mind, and she could sense it.  The nurse gave Rey added information as he led her toward the med bay.

 

Poe was heading in the opposite direction, angry, drunk, and confused. His feet kept moving while his mind clouded over, right up until he banged his head against part of his x-wing. Curses flew from his lips as he stumbled back and fell into a sitting position on the tarmac. His hand, clammy as it was, gripped at the spot now tender from the metal kiss, and slowly staggered back up. Poe wanted to get into his ship, he wanted to fly and distract himself. However he was too disoriented to climb into the x-wing, instead he flopped himself onto the metal expanse of the carbon scored wing and stared up at the sky.

 

*   *   *   *

 

The next day, Poe makes his way down to the med bay after finding something to help his grotesque hangover. Thoughts rattle in his head. He has a meeting with General Leia in the afternoon, everyone does. And he has to do some maintenance on his ship. He needs to stay busy, but he has time for this. The doors of the med bay open as he walks up to them and in the very first bed is Finn. Almost as still as death. The only signs of life were the gentle sound of machines in time with the slow beat of his heart.

 

Poe shuffled awkwardly, scuffed his shoe against the floor before running his hand back through his hair. Nervous tendencies.

 

“Hey Buddy.” He said to Finn, who of course couldn’t hear him, the constant beep of machinery answered him instead. Poe wasn’t sure what to do, his brow furrowed and he drew up a chair and sat down in it. This was almost too close to a viewing at a funeral. Finn was just so still, his chest ached and at the same time in made he want to run. His fingers tapped against each other and then he shifted and scooted closer.

 

“Heard you’re a big deal now.” Poe tried to joke, a tired wry grin on his face, he scratched at the scruff on his cheek. “Hero of the resistance...” He added with a mumble. There was a pause as his eyes scanned him for any reaction, but nothing happened. Of course not. Poe shifted anxiously. First he leaned back, leg bouncing and arms crossed, and then he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and hanging his head. He repeated these motions a few times before, mulling over what to say. Poe eventually gave up, not wanting to look a complete fool in front of an unconscious man, and pressed his palms into his eyes as he tried to clear his mind. 

 

The gentle shushing of the door signaled someone else had come in. Poe’s eyes, bloodshot from the night before and tired looked up to meet the bright and clear eyes of Rey. She stood by him, arms crossed as she looked over Finn.

 

“Sorry... about yesterday.” Poe said with a sigh. “I-”

 

“It’s alright.” She cut him off and gave him a small smile. Her gaze looked from him and then back to Finn. “The doctor said that if he wakes, he would recover just fine. He’ll have some back issues but resistance tech is better than that on Jakku.” Rey hoped that would give him hope. It gave her hope.

 

Poe though could only focus on the word IF. If he wakes up. Which means there’s a possibility he may not. Rey seemed to notice this anxious feeling about the situation and cleared her throat some. 

 

“I came to get you for the meeting, and Leia said you haven’t left here all morning, it’s now half way into the afternoon...you need to eat something before the meeting.” Rey wasn’t one to play ‘go fetch’ but she also want to check in on Finn as well. His pilot friend didn’t seem to be taking any of this well which also worried her. Shifting slightly and she nodded toward the door. “We can come back after the meeting...”

 

Poe wanted to just push her to the side and stay for a while longer, but his duty to the resistance had him moving to his feet. He was sure that if Finn woke up he’d be one of the first to know, or he’d like to believe. Finn took a side trip to his room to wash up quick, clean his face look somewhat presentable, before joining Rey and the rest of the base at the mess hall. He grabbed some food to mindlessly eat and watched as the General walked to the middle of the hall. The white noise of chatter died down and seats turned and heads moved to focus on Leia. She looked better than yesterday. Put together and still commanding, Poe admired her strength and smarts.

 

“The destruction of the Starkiller base is a victory for the resistance. But the First Order is still out there and still just as dangerous. With the help of Poe Dameron, BB-8, Finn and Rey, we were able to complete the map to find my... To find Skywalker. Rey has agreed to go on the mission to find him and bring him home.” She announced. Leia gave Rey a smile, the mess hall gave a cheer, but Poe just gave Rey and look of uncertainty. She was leaving? Already? 

 

“She leaves in two days, taking Chewie, R2 and the Falcon with her. In the meantime we will run border checks and scouting missions, regular business until further notice. We may do some relief runs to refugees of the planets destroyed by Starkiller. But until then take another day’s rest.” With that, the floor was open to questions. Some asked about Kylo Ren, and the Sith. Others asked about help from the senate. Poe asked nothing. He was thinking about running quick day missions. He wasn’t leaving, like Rey was, but he wasn’t one to sit still too long. Questions faded and Leia eventually moved down the rows of tables before coming to Dameron. She place a hand on his arm which drew him sharply from his thoughts.  “Let’s talk.” She said, with a tone that was both gentle and urging. 

 

His brow creased but he followed orders, even unsaid ones. Stand up and come with me, is what she had also meant. Poe stood to follow her and Rey glanced over her shoulder for a brief moment to watch them, before talking to those at the table. Leia led the pilot around the corner and further down the hall. Where was she taking him? He wondered as he glanced to those passing by. It took a couple of turns to realize where they were going

 

Leia turned to open the door to her office, or the room she called an office. It was really just a place where she could sit and read over things quietly and make plans away from everyone else.. The room was bare for the most part. A desk, a communications unit, and files. Two chairs and no windows. Poe followed her in and stood awkwardly by the door while she went to her chair

 

“Poe, I’m just going to say it quick. You’re grounded for two weeks.” Leia said looking over her files. Poe went from brooding to alarmed in a matter of seconds. Before he could retaliate Leia continued on. “You’ve been through some of the worst of this fight in just this battle alone. And I need you rested and in top shape for what’s to come. Sleep, eat, train and do what you need to, but you are not flying and you are not going on missions...” Her voice was crisp almost sharp.

 

“General I beg to differ I’m-” 

 

“You’re not. I’m not. We’re not fine. But I need you, the resistance needs you to be more than fine. Grounded. Two weeks. That’s the end of it.” She said her gaze boring into him. She knew what the man had been through. Tortured, being broken, crash landing, and then getting right back into the fray. Losing part of his squadron and more. They had other pilots and fighters right now they needed him to decompress.

 

Poe looked like the floor had fallen from beneath him. Flying was his decompression, no, his escape. It’s what made him feel better after anything. He clenched his fists, and relaxed them and forced himself into a salute. 

 

“Yes General.” He managed to say. Leia looked relieved. She knew that, for the most part, he’d do what she asked. 

 

“Dismissed.”

 

Poe walked out of the office and went right to the training facility to work out some aggression. But the over whelming emotions of the past two days and the effects of being severely drunk the night before took their toll. Before dinner Poe was passed out in his bed.

 

*   *   *   *

 

His first night of good sleep in a bed was dreamless. A night of blacked out exhaustion. Poe didn’t realize how much he needed that sleep until he had overslept. It’s hard to oversleep when you’ve got nowhere to be, but 12 hours of sleep was a bit much. It left him still slow and groggy in the morning, but that didn’t last long. His nerves were settling and he felt a relief of some tension he wasn’t fully aware he had. After some caf he pick himself up to go help Rey. She was loading up the Falcon today, and technically he’d just be walking on and off the ship, not flying and working one. 

 

Afterwards Poe and Rey walked down to where Finn was still laying still in his coma. They didn’t talk on the walk there, but once inside, Poe let Rey approach Finn’s prone form first. Intrigue then worry flashed over his face. Rey brushed fingers over the ex-troopers hair, and said something softly to him, Poe couldn’t hear it, before placing a kiss on Finn’s forehead. The interaction was short but a lot more than Poe had seen of Rey.

 

It was then he wondered how close they were, Finn and Rey. Finn had apparently gotten her off Jakku, probably saving her from a slave-like life there. Finn had saved Poe too. Was it their turn to save him? Rey did so already by bringing him home. Was it his turn now? Rey furrowed her brow and gave a sigh before standing

 

There was a strange silence between her and the pilot before she broke it. “I’m leaving early.” He snapped his gaze to her. Didn’t she have one more day before she left? Why leave early? Well he couldn’t blame her too much, with a mission looming over his head he’d want to launch right into it too. “Watch over him… Let me know if something changes. I’ll be back as soon as I’m able.” Rey said and bit her lip a moment then moved awkwardly forward, for probably a hug but thought otherwise and settled for a handshake. “I’m sorry we didn’t get to talk more, Dameron.” He couldn’t help but smirk just a little bit.

 

“You dropped the Mister, we’re already become more familiar, huh?” He gripped her hand, a squeeze of solidarity. “Take care of yourself Rey. Drag Skywalker back here. He’s old it couldn’t be too hard.” He joked, but he knew if a Jedi Master didn’t want to be found, it would be hard to bring him anywhere. Rey rolled her eyes and in the few seconds things seemed normal. Then Rey left and Poe was left sitting in a chair, alone, with Finn and his machinery.

 

What could he do? He rubbed at his forehead and then scratched a bit at his wrist. Could he touch Finn? Maybe he should talk more, but talking to him and an empty room seemed silly and almost pointless. Almost. He had a friend in a similar state, back when he was a kid. But it was medically induced and in a bacta chamber until he was healed and came to. A lot less interactive. You can’t really visit and talk to someone suspended in a tank of liquid. At the base they didn’t have any chambers. Everything was run by medical droids. It wasn’t worth the cost to bring it to such a remote place. But technology has also advanced using bacta patches and IVs to the trouble areas.

 

The jagged rise and fall of the EKG machine was his ‘entertainment’ for a few minutes before Poe leaned lightly on the bed and, after glancing around, place his hand over Finns. His dark skin was oddly smooth for a fighter. Probably from being under gloves and armor. Also he was warm. Of course he was warm, he was alive. That fact made Dameron relax some. A few pats on the hand and he drew it back.

 

“What do you think of Rey, huh? She’s interesting….” He said, trying to talk some. “A Jedi… maybe, who would’ve thought it? I feel like she could bring him back. I think Desert people attract desert people. Maybe…” That was lame. Super lame. Poe winced slightly at it and fall silent. He shifts in his seat and then gets up. And paces the room before leaving. He can’t sit still, but he’d be back soon.

 

He spends the rest of his day seeing Rey off and scrubbing the scoring and burns off his ship, they never fully come off but it helps with maintenance and if he couldn’t fly her to relax, he could keep her shiny at least. As he worked jokes filter through his mind, maybe he could tell some to Finn. Nah, none of them were that funny. It would be funny to practice pickup lines…. Awkward if he woke up during them.

 

A standard cycle began to end, his X-wing looked the same, even after the cleaning, and he went to find some grub before heading back to his room. Maybe he should visit Finn one more time. He took a shower and freshened up, walking out of the bathroom he was met by BB-8. He had been with the debriefing team the past two days, unloading and displaying information. He smiled and ran his head over the metallic dome of his friend.

 

“Wanna come with, BB-8?” He ask with a gentle grin. The droid gave a quick whistle and rolled off ahead of him. Poe followed having to almost jog to keep up. When the doors opened ahead of him, the droid was all chatter, Leia’s voice filtered through the opening. He slowed his gait and walked almost cautiously into the clinic.

 

“So, he was really a stormtrooper?” She asked without looking. Leia knew it was Poe, no one else came to visit, according to the staff, besides a curious onlooker.

 

“Yeah, he save my life back there, General.” Poe answered, hands delved into his pockets and he looked over the older woman as she turned to face him, a familiar brown jacket hanging in her arms. “That’s… uh…”

 

“They were asking what to do with it, it’s pretty damaged in the back. I told them I’d hand it to you, it is yours right? Looks just like it.” Leia mused and held it out to him. Fingers trembled just a little as he took it from her, Poe was speechless. He flipped it over, fingertips brushing along the slash in the back. There was dried bits of… something on it. He wasn’t a queasy person but this was probably parts of someone he cared about on the jacket. “Good night, Dameron.” Leia said softly, warmly, sadly as she walked past him and off to her quarters.

 

Poe felt his throat hitch. Emotions were getting to him. How could he help? He felt useless. He couldn’t help the resistance and he couldn’t help Finn. The pilot flopped into the chair, which creaked with the force and weight. BB-8 let out a low moaning sound of commiseration, and rolled up to Poe’s side wobbling slightly as he stopped. Poe hadn’t felt this low in a long time, he groped around and gripped at Finns upper arm.

 

“Buddy… Buddy you gotta wake up, yeah?” He pleaded for a moment, voice scratchy and rough with need. The need to things to be okay. “Maybe the general can lift my grounding when you wake. I can take you flying… This planet’s really beautiful.” His fingers rubbed the fabric of Finn’s sleeve together.

 

“We can get you drunk, that’d be fun. Do storm troopers drink? Ha, bet if they did they wouldn’t miss shooting at us as much…” He joked. Oh no, he’s telling jokes. There was a pause before he pulled away. His hands gripped the pilot jacket before sliding it on for warmth in the cold clean room. He’d take care of it, until Finn woke, and then give it back. It suits him, the pilot remember as settled back in the chair, and hummed quietly. Poe was going to stay longer than he did last time. But darkness tinged the edge of his mind, his humming stopped, his body slouched even more and Poe was lost to sleep.


	2. When Darkness Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe wrestles with his mind and Finn's health is up in the air.
> 
> Excerpt:  
> “Mr. Dameron. Can you hear me?” She asked and gave a grunt as she tried to stand him up, but Poe couldn’t keep it together. “Dear god, someone bring a chair here.” In a few moments, Poe was sitting in an uncomfortable chair with an IV in his arm and an icepack on his head. His eyes, glazed over, looked toward the nurse and she refused to meet his gaze. So far all he had done was come in like a wild man, got no answers, and almost pass out. Good job, Poe. He opened his mouth to say something, fighting off weariness the best he could, but exhaustion took him before he could ask any more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a little worried on this chapter. It was not as easy as the first one, probably due to outside things. I hope you all enjoy it though! Feedback is welcome.

Chapter 2

_The metal was cold, a stark contrast to the searing pain the slashed through him. More information began to trickle into his mind as he took in where he was. His body was stiff and couldn’t move. Trapped in bindings. The metal was cold. The voice angry. He’s bleeding, his blood is hot. His head is slammed back and back and back._

_The metal is cold. The pilot has to be strong, he needs to protect the resistance, but the pain is unbelievable. The invasiveness of the voice in his head is embarrassing. Between the ransacking of his mind and the physical beating from the torturer and his devices Poe was breaking. Weak. He was giving in. Kylo Ren’s mask loomed over him. He was weak.  And he succumbed._

_The metal of the floor was cold. The blood on him was hot. Poe was alone. He was going to die here. He let everyone down. No one was—_

 

There was a small electric shock and Poe snapped out of his nightmare. He wasn’t in the chair anymore but on the floor. The chill of the floor made him shiver, the panic riding fast through him made him sick and overheated.  He flew up into a kneeling position, which made his head reel. He wasn’t sure where he was, and the chemical smell and coolness of the room was making him think he was back on the Finalizer. Oh boy, he clutched his stomach, he was going to be sick. BB-8 rolled around him making noises of concern for his friend and master but he was helpless. There was a scramble to find a trashcan and Poe retched. The memory of the torturing made him ache with phantom pains, it was a lot to bare so suddenly. Once his body decided to stop he sagged against the bin.

 

BB-8 had gone to find the medical droid and had brought it over about the time Dameron was trying to stand up.

 

“Sir, are you well?” The medical droid asked, its optical sensors taking in what information he could gather.

 

“Fine.” He grated, lying. He’s not good at lying. But you didn’t have to be a sleuth to see he was not looking well.

 

“Sir I advise that you take some medication and head back to your bunk.” The medical droid opened one of his receptacles and pulled out a needle and a vial, a usual stock for things on the go. He didn’t move, the pilot didn’t want to leave, especially to go back to his room. This would be a time he would want to fly, but not without reprimand. Poe was about to fight the order when BB-8 rolled over to him and nudged against him. After a few beeps of talk from the droid, who chided him and made his concerned known, the pilot gave in. _Weak._ He felt humiliation creep up into him.

 

“Fine.” He grounded out the word, was if being forced to say it. But before he could deny whatever the droid want to inject him with, he was already feeling the stab of the needle. Poe hissed softly, and then took a few labored breaths, before settling. The medication was mostly anti-nausea with some sleep aid. Poe would have about enough time to get to him room before he’d feel the sleep aid kick in. Poe rubbed his arm tenderly, then pressed his hands to his face. Clammy, sweaty, cold, slick, hot, dry. He felt all these things at once.  BB didn’t give Poe the chance to say good night to Finn before leading the paled out looking pilot back to his own room and his own bed. The sweetness of sleep took hold of him, and the night remained dreamless.

 

The next few days Poe’s attitude took a further turn south. The whole base was use to him being happy and cheerful, but the nightmare fueled sleep, being grounded, and Finn still not awake was taking its toll. Poe found it harder and harder to stay near Finn, it was also hard to be apart from him. One day he didn’t go at all and spent the whole day running himself down in the woods. Running from the things that haunted his sleeping moments and his waking ones. When he was far enough from the base, in the privacy of the forest, he let his weakness show and screamed at the world, and punched at the trees until his knuckles bled and his voice was raw. It was on day seven of Poe being grounded that Finn’s health dropped.

 

BB-8 had come to find him coming back from the forest floor, an orange and white whirl and blur of squealing and urgency. Poe took longer to process what the BB unit was trying to tell him before panic flooded him. At first he couldn’t move, what was he suppose to do.  With a pinch and an angry buzz, BB-8 had Poe running back to med bay. It was the fastest he felt he had run in a long time, his arms and legs began to tingle and feel numb as he raced down hallways and corridors.

 

The pilot burst into med bay.

 

“Where is he!” He demanded, already seeing Finn’s bed was empty. “Where-“ Poe was moving forward, but an arm grabbed him and he grunted shoving it off. “Where is he.” His voice cracked with desperation as he yelled, glancing around wildly. Finn’s absence made his panic worse, and he was pulling open curtains getting anxious and frustrated. Someone was talking to him, but he almost couldn’t hear him with how loud his thoughts were. _Was Finn dying? Was he waking up? Was it his fault because he didn’t come by today, or yesterday? Was Finn giving up?_ Poe was dizzy with these notions. His panic began to give way to a haze of uncertainty. “Where…” Poe wavered and he fell back against a nurse. She looked at him, worried and stern.

 

“Mr. Dameron. Can you hear me?” She asked and gave a grunt as she tried to stand him up, but Poe couldn’t keep it together. “Dear god, someone bring a chair here.” In a few moments, Poe was sitting in an uncomfortable chair with an IV in his arm and an icepack on his head. His eyes, glazed over, looked toward the nurse and she refused to meet his gaze. So far all he had done was come in like a wild man, got no answers, and almost pass out. Good job, Poe. He opened his mouth to say something, fighting off weariness the best he could, but exhaustion took him before he could ask any more.

 

When he finally woke, he felt like he had been run down by a rancor. The room was dim, but he could see he was sitting next to Finn’s bed, and Finn was back in it. The trooper looked like he had more wires coming off him, things to track and regulate the man’s health. Poe’s brow creased with worry. Slowly, his hand reached out held onto the former trooper’s before he closed his eyes and fell asleep again.

 

The same nightmare rolled through him, the same one he’s had almost every time he closed his eyes. But he can’t be woke from this one. The pilot’s body twitches and jerks slightly, fingers tightening and loosing around Finn’s, his breathing is labored and it seems like he’s about to hit the worst of it when Poe’s body sags and makes it into deep sleep. Poe’s hand relaxes and Finn’s gives a little twitch in response, going unnoticed by anyone there.

 

*  *  *  *  *

“..born on the other side of the galaxy. Yavin IV. D’Qar reminds me of home sometimes, mainly the trees.”

 

Poe’s voice rambled through the clinic. He seemed to be in better spirits today. If it was because he actually was, or because he was trying to make amends with the staff, no one was sure. The pilot had found out, after being pulled into General Organa’s office for a small lecture, that Finn’s body had rejected one of the medications the doctor was trying to help with the man’s healing time. After every sign of ‘No’ Finn’s body made in response the doctor team had to work hard to flush it out of his system and then monitor closely the next day or so to make sure there were no repercussions of the action taken. Also, that this wasn’t his first outburst in the clinic and if he wants to be able to come back as a visitor he’ll have to control himself.

 

Leia had also taken notice of Poe’s change in mood and temperament, everyone had. She comprised with him.  She lifted his flight ban but only for casual flights, ‘training’ really, and she suggested that if she was as worried as he was about Finn to maybe sit and talk with him. The general had an inkling there was more than just worry. She remembers the slight haunted looks Han would sometimes get after his torture round with Vader. And the post war time terrors some of the rebellion went through as they adjusted back a normal life for a little while. Leia wanted to suggest more, but right now, maybe talking to Finn would help.

 

“Talk about what?” He asked incredulously.

 

“Anything. Maybe he’ll hear it and remember. Who knows, but you’ll be nearby and it couldn’t hurt to try.” Leia gave him an encouraging smile. Ordered him to take care of himself first, and then go talk to Finn. That’s how he was allowed back into med bay.

 

“I remember making a fort in one of the trees, I brought scraps I found around the forest to make a really, wow, really bad tree house. I climbed into it and it immediately fell apart and I broke my arm.” He continued rolling back his sleeve to show a tiny faded scar where the incident had taken place.

 

“Ah man, I bet you didn’t do any of those fun things huh? Stormtroopers being taken at a young age and all.” His voice trailed off. Poe paused and clasped his hands together and then after a moment unclasped them and reached out for Finn’s hand again.

 

“I know I haven’t been talking much, or been around much… I’ve got some things going on, and it’s not…” He huffed a moment and ran his free hand through his hair. “You gotta get better buddy, I’m feeling a little lonely…” Poe admitted quietly. “I could use a-“ His voice failed him for a moment. A friend? A buddy? A what. He gave Finn’s hand a squeeze.

 

“Never mind.” He slouched back and glanced out the med bay window. The two hands barely still touching. Poe hummed softly and old comforting tune and spent the rest of the day sitting like that. Eventually the call of hunger had him leaving Finn’s side reluctantly.

 

Poe was lost in thought during dinner. He had been chewing the same bit of protein for much longer than he needed to now, it was just mush in his mouth. His thoughts were elsewhere. He was focused on his nightmares, trying to figure out why he had the same ones over and over. He was thinking back on how he flinched at Rey’s touch and thought of Kylo. Did Rey have the same capability to become so powerful? The man stopped his blaster shot midair, invaded the depths of his mind and caved his will to give out classified information. Poe knew Kylo could have killed him, instead painful torture ensued. If Finn hadn’t come, he was sure he’d be killed. Rey, she was a force user too. What if she turned to be like him. It bothered Poe deeply that Finn’s friend could be like that.

 

Then someone grabbed his shoulder, Poe whirled around, pulled out of his thoughts in a mild panic. His mind was so deep in what had happened to him that he thought someone from his nightmares had gotten hold of him. Poe punched the person right in the gut.

 

“God damn it, Dameron!” Coughed out the man behind him. A fellow pilot, Snap, stood doubled over, embarrassment crept into Poe’s ears. It took what seemed like forever, but was really a few seconds, to reach out and help the pilot to sit.

 

“Snap, wow, hey buddy, sorry about that.” Poe apologized profusely and sincerely. “I was… You know you shouldn’t… I’m sorry.” Poe winced internally at his own words.

 

“Woah, hey, don’t worry.” Snap said as he managed to get control of himself again, which was a bit hard, that punch hurt. “I just came to see…if you wanted to run some practice moves… in the morning. You’ve not flown in a week…” He made some vague hand gesture that could mean ‘we’re all worried so here’s an option’ or ‘let’s prove you’re not rusty.’

 

Poe’s face lit up. A sliver of normal Poe shining through, Snap was grinning at the sight of it, it almost was just as quickly dampened. _Finn._ “I’m not sure I should…” Poe admitted, glancing unconsciously at a wall that was in the direction of the med bay. “I mean, I want to but uhm.” Poe’s terrible at lying. He does want to but Finn’s health seems to cloud over everything.

 

“Just a few hours in the morning. It’ll help, right?” Snap wasn’t taking no from Poe. There wasn’t an easy way to say ‘everyone sees that you hardly leave med bay and now we’re sure you’re not so I’m here as a friend dragging you out for something healthy.’ “0800. Be ready, Dameron.” Snap smiled encouragingly and added. “We need you.”

 

This was accountability and trust. In order to run formations he needed to sleep and be ready and alert. It means he couldn’t sleep in the chair next to Finn but in his bed, maybe with some sleep aid. It means he’d need BB-8, his Finn lifeline when he can’t be there.  His cause needed him, and he wanted flying privileges back, so he couldn’t just back down.

 

“Alright, yes, 0800. I’ll be ready, Snap.” Snap seemed relieved. He got up and placed his hand on Poe’s shoulder.

 

“Good. Rest up.” He gave Poe’s shoulder a squeeze, nodded with a smile and walked off. The encounter made Dameron feel better, but he was worried that he slugged the guy. Poe had to be more aware of himself and those around him.

 

He finished off his dinner, a little lighter in heart and dropped by Finn’s bedside one last time that night. The area was mostly cleared out, besides a few droids and a bed on the far other side. Apparently someone fell off the landing pad and into a tree, but broke his leg in the process. He’d recover but they wanted to make sure he’d be fine and kept the man through the night.

 

Poe tentatively sat on the edge of Finn’s bed and adjusted himself so he held up Finn’s hand, rubbing gently at the pads of the man’s palm. “I’m gonna go flying tomorrow. Got my grounding lifted and I have to prove to Snaps I don’t rust over the course of a week. But, hey, you better not dip on me again while I’m out.” He gave a soft snort of a laugh. Poe smiled a moment and then gently pressed his palm to Finn’s. The trooper’s hand was bigger, just a little. He felt his cheeks flush just gently, before shaking away the thought and letting Finn’s hand drop into Poe’s lap.

 

“I miss you.” He murmured, admitting the need and want to have Finn around and active in his life. He liked the guy. Or maybe a lot more than liked. He wasn’t ready to admit that fully. Finn was a good guy, cute to boot, his smile and excitement was contagious. Poe missed all of that. He leaned over, just barely, then a little more, his lips hovering over Finn’s forehead before he dropped his head off to the side next to Finn’s. He couldn’t.

 

“You’re gonna to get better. You’re gonna wake up. And we’re gonna go flying. Remember it.” He murmured, half to Finn, mostly to himself before pushing himself up, Finn’s hand falling away to the bed. Poe marched himself over to the medical droid who gave him something to take for sleep and Poe walked off to his room with BB-8 tailing behind.


	3. The Light in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News comes in from Rey, Poe has more issues to sort out, and there's news about Finn's health.
> 
> Excerpt:
> 
> “You know, she probably would have liked ya.” He rasped softly, fingers slowly making their way between all of Finn’s and Poe gave a somber smile and hung his head some. “Dad not so much. But Mom, yeah, probably. She’d pick your brain over and over about the Order and probably try and cook or something.” Poe closed his eyes tight for a moment, his eyes hurt now and he flexed his fingers before releasing Finn’s. A soft whoosh of air penetrated the silence that fell in the room. A sigh?

A message had been received from the Outer Rim while Poe, Snap, and a few other pilots were running maneuvers. Rey had sent out in holomessage which was played when the pilots when they came back. Rey’s figure came up on the holovid, she was crouched and poking around at something invisible in front of her. She looked well. Poe would relay that to Finn later. 

 

“R2, do we have this. Oh, it’s running?” Rey gave him a smirk.  “Why didn’t you say so? Alright, here we go.” The image buzzed and snapped a little as she stood and stretched. “I’ve found the planet the map led us to, thankfully, Mister Skywalker hasn’t really moved. So the map was up-to-date. He’s alive on this island.” With the she paused and laughed. “I’ve never seen so much water in my life. It’s so blue here, did you know there were plan-” A raspberry tone came from R2 and Rey looked a bit embarrassed. Rey seemed to be very in awe of a place so different than her own. R2 had brought her back to the task at hand. “Anyway, Mister Skywalker, um, isn’t ready to come back yet. But I’m working on it, getting some training too, not a lot, but some. Oh, oh! Finn! I’m sure you’re up and watching, hello! I’ll be back soon.” She grinned and waved a little. “I’m going to try to convince him again to come but there’s something.... something about this temple...” Rey drifted off in her words, then Luke’s voice could be hear calling her name. She turned her head to face the voice and the vid cut out. 

 

“At least she found him.” Leia sighed and looked to the flight crew. “Since his location is right I could send a battalion to go grab him and drag his old ass home.” She grumbled and let a hand cover her face for a moment before straightening. “Well, at least it’s good news.”

 

Poe was chewing on his bottom lip, partially happy because at least something went right, a little out of nervousness. Rey lit up when she talked about Finn. Why’d that make him nervous? He knew why. The emotions he was getting wrapped up in were because of Finn, and with Finn unable to respond to them he wasn’t sure how Finn would react. Hell, he wasn’t sure of his own. He knew he like the guy, maybe, yes definitely a crush on him, a good friendship started for sure. He didn’t have much longer to think about it as he shifted into a grin with everyone’s happy cheers. It’s nice to celebrating things, even the small things. But this wasn’t necessarily a small victory. Finding Luke before the First Order did was great achievement. 

 

Everyone celebrated in the mess hall with a round of mid-day drinks before getting back to work. People teased him some about being grounded and talked about how great it was to see his x-wing flying again. There was a little talk of Finn, but it was swamped by excited talk about Luke and the Jedi. Poe sat a little more silent and awkwardly through this. He knew the Jedi were needed to help restore order to the force. But he always seemed to be mentally dragged back to Kylo. Poe gets up with an excuse to go shower and decided instead to talk to Finn about the good news.

 

 He walked, slightly buzzed and with a small spring in his step, to go see Finn. Poe’s chair was already waiting there by the bed; he turned it so he could sit on it backwards and rested his chin on the back. His gaze looked over Finn’s form and for a moment he was silently smiling to himself about him. Then he launched into his talk.

 

“Finn! Your girlfriend called.” He teased, though he wish he hadn't, not that Finn could hear him (most likely) but because he admitted there might be a thing there; which would also be admitting that he wanted a thing between them if he let on that it bothered him.

 

“She looks good,” He insisted giving a few nods along with it. “And said she found Skywalker! Rey can’t wait to come home, when she can.” Poe chewed on his lip and his voice faded just a bit. “Might be a while.” 

 

“But she thinks you’re already awake! So you gotta get up, yeah?” He sighed and drummed his fingers on the edge of the chair. Poe was feeling sappy. The amount of drink in him was just enough to make him blur the line of keeping it light and friendly to more. Warmth spread across his cheeks and something in him buzzed with words wanting to be said, he had enough sense to not say too much of them yet.

 

“You know…” He stood and pulled his chair to sit right up long the bed, his arm resting on the edge of the cot, knuckles brushing knuckles. “Some people always think it’s my dad who taught me to fly. But it was my mom. She taught me so much. She’d take me up in her A-wing and I’d help fly.” He scratched at his cheek with one hand, the hand next to Finn’s extended its pinkie and wrapped around one of Finn’s fingers. “My mom was amazing...” Poe could feel that tightness in his chest of ache. No one ever gets over losing a parent, when you’re so very close to them. The tightness swelled up to his throat and he gave a shuddering sigh. Poe’s lost people. More than just his mother. He’s not seen his father in forever, who knows what  _his_ status was. Squad members. Friends. Brothers in arms. He was scrapped open raw again after Kylo and now he willingly was opening himself up to the unconscious Finn. His fear of losing another friend, someone he held dear now, was being brought up with this very conversation.

 

“You know, she probably would have liked ya.” He rasped softly, fingers slowly making their way between all of Finn’s and Poe gave a somber smile and hung his head some. “Dad not so much. But Mom, yeah, probably. She’d pick your brain over and over about the Order and probably try and cook or something.” Poe closed his eyes tight for a moment, his eyes hurt now and he flexed his fingers before releasing Finn’s. A soft whoosh of air penetrated the silence that fell in the room. A sigh?

 

Poe turned his head quickly, eyes fluttering open to release a tear or two he was trying to force back down. But everything seemed to remain the same. To be sure the pilot stood, his body already moving to loom over the ex-trooper’s. His brow furrowed and he placed his hands on either side of Finn’s shoulders. One of the tears that had begun rolling down his cheek instead fell upon the smooth darkness of Finn’s. Poe cursed softly and lifted a hand to rub at his own face and then carefully placed it against the side of Finn’s and after a few very, very, very long seconds he brushed away the evidence a tear ever fell.

 

“Sorry. Guess I got a bit...” He stopped. “I think I’m in trouble.” Poe murmured and leaned down to place his forehead just barely against Finn’s.

 

“Are you now?” An accented female voice came from behind them. Poe shot up and away from Finn faster than a Rathtars to food. The chair went clattering behind him and Poe found himself on the ground looking up at an unhappy nurse. She was a twi’lek, one of the few on base, her skin was as blue was island water, lekku were mottled in darker and lighter colors, and hung long behind her head. Poe swore he could see the very tip of one curl in slight annoyance.

 

“Kriffing hell.” He grounded out, anger (out of embarrassment) blooming in his features. The nurse lifted an eyebrow at him and offered a hand down to him. Poe refused to take it, and stood up on his own. Like a guilty pup, he kept his shoulders hunched and his eyes down. She cleared her throat and walked past him.

 

“Well, you can’t just go about wooing someone who isn’t awake.” She informed him.

 

“I wasn’t-” He tried to protest, the redness in his cheeks stretching along to his ears and neck.

 

“And you should check when rounds are done if you are.”

 

“Hey I-” This nurse wouldn’t let him get in a more than a word, amber eyes gave him a gaze that’d shut up anyone, then they softened just a bit.

 

“We’re going to try Finn on a new medication, his wound has healed up nicely and maybe the switch will help him come to.” The Twi’lek snipped and walked over to a computer near Finn’s bed and began to tap away. Poe was a bit dumbfounded by this information, and it took his still buzzed mind a moment longer to sort it out before he marched over there.

 

“Woah, no, you tried and he got worse.” Poe argued, and wheeled around to look at the computer with her. He was sobering quick with the news, but he was still mentally playing catch up. “How do we know this won’t do the same?” There was a hint of a growl in his voice, or it sounded a bit gruffer with uncertain emotion.

 

“We can’t know until we try, Dameron. And now that we know how he reacted before we will monitor closely his condition as we transfer him. We believe his current medication is what’s keeping him out even longer. By all means he should have woken up relatively recently as the trauma to his body has healed quickly with all we’ve done to it.” Poe just sort of stared at the nurse as she prattled on. “But there is a possibility that his body believes it still needs healing and is staying ‘shut down’ as you would say. Staff wants him up and moving before any atrophy can start settling in and to make sure he feels.”

 

“Feels what?” He mumbled looking over Finn. It was a quick unloading of information upon the pilot, so much so that was the only question he could ask.

 

“Anything at all. We’ve done a couple tests but we’ll know more when he’s able to speak to us.” Her fingers barely seemed to touch the screen as it slid through different information and vitals. She pulled up a scan of Finn’s body. It was odd to see him outlined in green and blue. The green showed where he had been injured. There were the burn marks on his chest and the laceration to his back. It made his stomach flip-flop. “So you see, his front injuries have healed fine, the one in his shoulder was deep, he may need some therapy for it, but the one on the back was the most concerning. It wasn’t just a topical wound, but here.” She her finger traced the line, it started low, just beside his spine, and got deeper as it traversed at an angle up his back to his shoulder. Here in the middle it gets the brunt of the blow, tore up tissue and everything but here...”

 

Poe forcibly swallowed as his gaze followed he finger to his spine. “Here, however, though it’s not deep, can do the most damage. We believe that he healed fine but we won’t know more until later.” The nurse continued, smiling, to her it was good news, there was a high chance he’d be fine. But for Poe, that icy feeling of the unknown began to spread in his belly. 

 

“What’s your name?” He asked softly, looking over the information over, and over. It’s this nurse he would want to talk to about this. No one else had given him so much information on Finn’s situation.

 

“Tal’Karin. I already know about you, Dameron. Best pilot in the resistance, mooning over my patient, and some other things.” She closed the screen and walked around the bed to check Finn’s IVs. Poe followed right behind her.

 

“What.”

 

“You know we get holofeeds in here. I usually have to review them. I’ve see your tantrums and your episodes… are you taking medication for that? Be terrible to have that happen on a flight.” Her lekku made a subtle twitch and her hand reached back and pulled one gently to drape around her shoulders.

 

Poe froze in his spot. “Episodes, what episodes. You’re having episodes.” He shot out nervously, fingers scratching light at his palm. “I’m fine.” He assured. Though he knew he wasn’t quite fine at all, and though he didn’t like to lie he also didn’t want to look weak.

 

“Such a male answer. Well, Dameron, should you decide you want it, there are ways to help. People will notice, however. You haven’t been yourself.” Tal noted, pulled up the blanket and placed her hands on Finn’s legs. She then pressed against them gently, rubbing them over, checking circulation.

 

Poe finally took the time to catalogue all this and placed a hand to his forehead and then drug it over his face. In silence he watched her check Finn’s limbs watching for reactions and lack thereof, and gave no indicator on her findings. Poe pressed his thumb and fingers against his eyes and gave a soft sigh.

 

“Tal…”

 

“Tal’Karin.” She interjected, not one for shortening her name.

 

“Tal’Karin, would I be able to be here when you change his medication?” He asked hopefully, and looked up at her. The Twi’lek had made it to the opposite side and looked over at him.

 

“No, I don’t think you’ll be allowed. Do what pilots do that day, and I’ll make sure you’re called when he’s cleared.” She placed her hands on the edge of the cot. They didn’t want Poe causing an issue if there was a problem with the medication, the less complications the better.

 

“I’m going to check on a few things and then you have the rest of today before we switch his medication tomorrow.” For the first time since she came in, the nurse smiled a genuinely warm and understanding smile. “Everything is going to be fine. You worry too much, Dameron.” With that she went to go look over a few other files, get some new lines of medication set up for other base members and left. Now Poe was standing there, by Finn’s side alone. He slowly moved to his chair again, pulling it back along side of the cot.

 

“Finn, you’re okay to wake buddy.” He told his friend as if the conversation with the nurse might not have been heard the first time. Poe chewed on his lip a moment and reached out to tug down Finn’s shirt just a little, seeing one of the few scars, pink and shiny, peeking out from underneath. He touched it lightly and felt sick. As if he just realized that this man, Kylo Ren, has broke Poe, badly injured Finn, killed Han and wanted to take Rey. The same man did all of this. His fingers moved along the collar of Finn’s shirt to the other side, and dipped under to touch the ending of this back scar, which rested just at the back of his shoulder.

 

“Wake up.” He said firmly. “Wake up, Finn.” Poe slid his hand out of Finn’s shirt and squeezed Finn’s shoulder. “Wake. Up.” He repeated a few times. “You’ll be okay if you just wake up!” He only realized how loud he had gotten when his voice reverberated slightly in the room. “Don’t leave me here alone for much longer.” It was a plea of a man who could not know what the future held except for the potential of more of the same. But now there might be a bit more hope. Maybe he would wake up this week, or even sooner.  This time, for good luck he told himself, he places a kiss just at the corner of Finn’s lips.

 

“I’ll be waiting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment. I love to hear how I'm doing, or ideas to improve!


	4. We all fall sometimes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe is sent from the base while Finn's medication is changed. Things get rough before they get better.

Snap found Poe in the mess hall, zoned out and chewing on the same bite of food over and over. He learned his lesson the last time he saw Poe like this, and instead of grabbing him, just came around and sat across from him. And yet, Poe still managed to stare right through him. Temmin cleared his throat and began to eat as well. The much nearer sound and movement finally drew Poe’s attention; after he blinked away the mental fuzz and swallowed his bite he gave a lopsided grin. Tired, but true. 

 

“Wexley, when’d you get here?” He asked, his voice sounding slightly rough in texture but not in tone. 

 

“Just now, good to see you here though. Ready for runs again? I hear the General wants us to do a quick patrol run.” Snaps said before taking a bite of a bit of meat. He knew Poe wasn’t quite informed of what today entailed. By the looks of it, he was unsure he wanted to go far from the base at all. Snaps figured it was better than sitting and waiting. “It’ll be fine, Dameron. Just a quick trade route run between here and the next system over. Be back before dinner.” His mouth was still slightly full when he said this, but even so after he was done speaking he shoved in another bite.

 

“Mm.” Poe frowned a moment and looked down at his hardly touched meal. It was longer than just before dinner. A day trip, if things went smoothly. He tapped his fork on the side of his plate a moment. It would give him time to think about what to say to Finn. Or give him time to not think about anything but flying. Poe shrugged and picked up a hunk of bread and took a bite of it. “Just gotta run by m’room.” He mumbled and gave the quickest smirk.

 

Wexley looked more than pleased. “Yeah, great! We need to be geared up to leave in an hour or so. So make it quick.” Snap said before more heartily digging into his food. Poe smiled a bit and thought things over. Wait, when did he take orders from him? Ah, well, he didn’t mind being told what to do once in a blue moon. Poe ate a slight bit quicker. If he was fast enough, maybe he could peek into medbay before leaving. He carved out the inside of his bread with a quick flick of the wrist and shoved the meat and some other food into it. Food pocket. 

 

“See you in a few.” Poe said as he stood up and began to walk briskly back to his room, eating as he went. Temmin watched him go and gave a sigh, releasing any tension he had and went back to eating and hoping that this run went smoothly.

 

BB-8 followed at Poe’s heels. Whistling and whirring about the trip and excited to come with. The droid had also missed flights and missions. Poe stopped just at the door. “N... No, BB-8. I’m not sure you should come.” He said before opening the door to his room. The astromech took pause. Then gave very agitated beeps and rushed in after him.

 

“I need you here. Watching Finn.” He explained as he began to take off his civilian clothes to put on his flight clothes. The droid almost huffed, as if they could and gave two long low whoops.

 

“What...” Poe said with a confused expression, hands mid-way through tying his boots. BB-8 repeated his sounds and the pilot gave a gruff grunt. “They’re really making sure I stay away then, huh? Won’t even let my droid stay...” Dameron knew the reasoning behind it; he had just hoped they hadn’t thought of it too. “I guess you’re with me buddy.” A smile formed, he had been smiling a bit more today, and BB-8 noticed too, rolling up to him with a trill of delight. 

 

Poe’s hand reached out and ran over the dome of the droid head, like ruffling the fur of a dog. “Yeah, yeah. Come on. Let’s gear up the ship and get ready.” He put the last parts of his suit on and stopped. The pilot needed a moment. He needed his head clear, because if it wasn’t he’d zone out in the cockpit too. Then he systematically checked over his suit and walked out of his room toward the hangar, but not without trying to take a detour to sneak a peek at Finn. “Act casual.” He said to himself as he walked by the medbay windows, slowing to scan the room but only being met with the amber eyes of the nurse from the other night, Finn was not insight. A soft whine filled the air and it took a moment for Poe to realize he made it in disappointment. Tal’Karin came walking out of the medbay to meet him, and Poe sullenly met her at the door.

 

“Dameron, what did I tell you…” She cooed sternly, arms crossing over her chest as she blocked the way into the clinic.

 

“I, uh…” He shifted, guiltily and glanced down. “Just hoped to see him before I go off.” Poe admitted, his hand running back through his hair and rubbing at his neck. He finally met Tal’s gaze, she seemed unwavering before moving forward and unfolding her arms. Her hands came up and cupped both sides of Poe’s face which caught him off guard.

 

“ _Ryma gesu’tak allesh_ …” (Mother give you safety) Her accent curled around her words, wrapping them in the hope and ease. A blessing for a safe travel. Poe hadn’t heard much Ryl spoken before. A word here or there, but nothing like this whole phrase said so closely for him. He found himself speechless a moment and oddly comforted. His body shifted slightly, shoulders dropped and a sigh released. “Safe Travels. Go, we have things under control.” Tal’Karin took a step back and let he hands move away from him and to her hips.

 

Poe blinked a moment and his lips parted but nothing came out. What was that she said? That was Ryl, right? Much smoother than some other languages. Why was it so oddly soothing? He couldn’t say anything but she could at least gather that he looked a bit more grounded.

 

“Go.” She ordered him pointing off in the direction of the hangar. “I promise you can see him when you’re back.” Poe broke into a grin and gripped the nurse’s shoulder tightly, but in comradery and thanks. Tal shook off his hand with a soft chuff and watched him pointedly as he left. Then the twi’lek herself relaxed, the end of her lekku drooping. She really came ready to fight him back but it seemed Poe was rather okay today. Her only thought going back into the clinic was wondering if she should have suggested that he take something before flying.

 

The mission ran smoothly. No issues cropped up on their route and soon they were flying back home. The whole trip was a day and a half and had still taken longer than they planned. The squadron had to make a pitstop for rations and a leg stretch, since they had the time to, before heading back. For the most part Poe focused only on the task at hand. In the silence between things, hyperspace and all, his mind would fall back to the base. However, this was a mission to show that Poe could keep his mind more in the now and lucky for everyone, he was mentally okay for the whole duration.

 

Poe commed ahead as they entered back into the planetary space. “Black leader reporting in, scouting run came back clean. Coming in to land.” He said as he heard BB-8 Whistle and whrr to his cockpit translator, expressing excitement in landing. “What, restless? We’ve had longer flights, BB-8.” He teased as he heard his comm crackle in his ear.

 

“Black Leader, good to hear it. You are cleared to land.” Came the voice of one of the officer on the ground. Poe waited a moment, but no other news.

 

“I’ll race you to the mess hall for a drink.” Came Snap’s voice through to everyone.

 

“Last one has to refuel to ships?” Came Jessika’s voice in response. Poe smirked, the two of them made sure to keep his spirits up this whole run. They were going to the whole way to the landing pad too.

 

“Yeah Yeah. I’ll race you.” He said, BB-8 already increasing the speed and with a grin did one barrel roll with a whoop. Snap and Jesskia making their own cries of pleasure as they follow suit. Poe landed first, with Jessika right behind and Snap last. He made a big show of feeling butthurt about losing the race he challenged them to, but everyone helped with refueling and powering everything down. Poe’s mind wanted to pull away, but he was laughing and playing around with the pilots. Someone threw a damp rag at the back of Poe’s head and he went and blasted some water in the direction it came from, soaking Jessika. The trio made more of a mess than they did cleaning up.

 

The general, who had entered part way through their antics, would have said something if she hadn’t seen the way Poe was acting. He seemed almost back to himself. Leia sighed, she felt guilty having grounded him earlier, she knew that need to keep moving. She saw it in Han too. Han always left, but he always came back. He needed to be always moving, always doing. It hurt her heart to see it in Poe too. Leia turned away from the scene and began walking back to her office.

 

“General?” Came the officer’s voice from beside her. “Didn’t we need to speak with Dameron?” There was a mix of concern and unease in his voice.

 

“It can wait until he’s settled back in.”

 

“You’re too easy on him sometimes, General.” This made her stop midstep. Was she? She knew Poe idolized her, and in a way she liked keeping him under her wing. He’s a good guy, good smart head on his shoulders. And she remembers his parents well. Leia shook her head.

 

“No, I think I’m just the right amount of ease, speaking of.” She cleared her throat. “At ease. I have something to take care of on my own.” With that Leia left the officer behind.

 

Back in the messhall, three slightly damp pilots were just sitting down with a round of drinks and some food to eat. Snap was impressed with his leader. Poe was being Poe, and not moping around at all. They had gotten through one glass of ale before he noticed that Poe had tensed up. Jessika was just noticing too. She glanced to see if it was something Poe was looking at, but all he seemed to stare at was dead space. His face lost its color, and he began to look a little clammy. Jessika, who was seated next to him, moved to touch his shoulder but Snap reached across the table to stop her.

 

“Poe.” Wexley said as he got up and came around the table. No one else in the hall had noticed yet. “Poe.” He waved his hand in front of Dameron’s eyes and slowly watched as his eyes glided along Wexley’s arm and up to his face. Poe’s mind was flying at a million miles a minute. Something, a sound or pieces of a conversation, had triggered a memory of being back in the  _Finalizer_. He was trying to keep cool but if was obviously failing. “Don’t punch me…” Temmin said before helping Poe up to his unstable feet. Poe felt sickeningly hot, even Snap could tell, but Poe trembled like he was freezing. “Jess, go clear the way, I’m gonna walk him to his room.”

 

“No.” Came a gravely strain voice. “Nn, No. Gotta find Finn.” Poe grounded out, even as he leaned his weight completely on Snap.

 

“You’re going to go lay down…. Come on.” Jess ran ahead and Snap half drug Poe along. The pilot’s touch was keeping him almost completely in the now. But soon his mind grew hazy again. Was he being dragged back through the star destroyer’s halls? Would he get any relief… Around him muffled voices. Two female, one male. Something stabbed him, and he cried out, vision blurring to see two orange suits, and one blue figure. Then the world dropped off and he was out.

 

“What the hell happened!” Snap exclaimed as he helped to get Poe out of at last his flight gear. “He did something similar before and wholloped me good. But this was worse.”

 

Jessika was on the other side of Poe’s bed, having gotten him out of the top of his suit, and now was placing cooling rags on a sweat drenched brow. The poor pilot looked like he had just run five marathons.

 

“He has been struggling with undiagnosed anxiety attacks.” Tal’Karin noted out loud. She had been on her way to fetch the pilot herself when she saw them trio trying to get through the halls. “Now, he will be forced to treat it.”

 

“Attacks over-“

 

“Snap…” Jessika warned. They all knew what Poe had been through, but for some people, they didn’t know the extent of it all. She went back to placing a cooling rag on Poe’s neck, which elicited a soft whimper and whine before his body sagged further into a dreamless sleep.

 

“This sleep will help him. I should talk to the general about his condition,” Tal jotted notes down on her clipboard and pulled out a small bottle of pills and a note about usage and left them on Poe’s nightstand. Wexley had finally gotten Poe’s boots and jumpsuit off. He’d probably over heat again if they hadn’t. “Let’s leave him be. He’ll be out a while.”

 

“He doesn’t need supervision?” Snap asked as he moved to leave.

 

“No, he just, for now, need sleep.” Tal murmured, as if he would wake if they were too loud. The nurse led them all out of the room, and left Poe to rest.

*  *  *  *  *

Poe ended up sleeping way longer than anyone had anticipated. Almost a full day and a half. The stress of mental and physical exertion had caught up to the pilot and was now taxing his body. When he woke he felt like shit. Hungry, sore, and even maybe still tired. His body screamed at him as he moved to stand. Poe had a hard time recalling what exactly happened. When he checked the time and date he thought it was wrong. What the hell happened?

 

“Shit….” He said letting the clock fall away onto the bed. As he moved to rub sleep from his eyes he almost recoiled. “I’m ripe. Fuck…” Poe managed to drag himself to the refresher. The hot water over sore muscles helped incredibly. He sat in there until the water ran cold then contemplated going to bed again. Hunger was winning of sleep, survival instincts overriding any other though. On the way back to his bed he noticed the bottle on the end table. With a sinking feeling he went over and picked it up with the note.

 

_Take one pill twice a day to help with nerves. Please go talk to Dr. Lotham. Please come see me when you wake. – RN Tal’Karin_

Poe let out a soft curse and check over the pill bottle before taking one. He checked the time again. Middle of the night. He didn’t care, he was awake now and sleep wasn’t an option. Poe pocketed the note and wandered down to med bay. He had gone almost 4 days without seeing Finn. He dug in a dresser for a snack, he’d hide some from time to time and shuffled out of his room. It was time to see if the new medication was working.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of Finn! He'll be around more next chapter.
> 
> As always, please leave a comment or some love to let me know how I'm doing!


	5. Slow Ascension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe has to jump through some hoops before he is allowed back into the medbay where a surprise is waiting for him.
> 
>  
> 
> (Finally some fluff)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that all my chapters are pretty much not beta-read. I'm going to go through soon and clean them up some.

They won’t let Poe see Finn until Poe is checked out by both the doctor and a psychiatrist, which meant that his night trip to medbay was pointless. The note left by Tal was to make sure he was sent to either one before seeing Finn. He ended up having to come back in the morning which left him staring at his ceiling for hours until then. In the morning, the twi’lek offered Poe an examination right there and then to which he begrudgingly accepted. She had him sit down on a cot and then brought out some medical instruments. His dark eyes scanned over the objects as a frown twitched at his lips.

 

“I thought you said a doctor...” Poe grumbled, tiredly. Tal’Karin gave him a little smirk and brought out a light to examine his eyes.

 

“I will be quicker. You took your medication, correct?” She asked him as she moved the light from one eye to the other. Poe winced at its brightness and blinked away spots the light left behind. He didn’t want to answer her, not unless he got information about Finn. A pointed finger poked him hard in the chest. “Did you?”

 

“Ow, yes, kriffing hell.” He grumbled rubbing at the sore spot. “How’s Finn?” He said as she began to take his pulse.

 

“Your boyfriend is fine.” She cooed teasingly which caused Poe to flush from ear to ear. A nervous laugh bubbled up in him before mumbling something about ‘Not my boyfriend’. “Oh, look, your heart rate is up.”  _Of course it’s up_ , Poe thought and then slumped a bit. A silence came between them through the last few checks but Tal hummed brightly and gave him the all clear.  _Hell yes!_ Poe about flung himself from the cot to go find Finn but the nurse, stronger than she looked, held him by his elbow.

 

“Go to Dr. Lotham. Then you can see him.” Her tone left no room for persuasion, that didn’t mean he didn’t try.

 

“What! Come on, Tal-“

 

“Tal’Karin.”

 

“Bleeding hell.” Poe let out a groan before his itching hands were shoved into pockets. 

 

“Yeah, okay.” He’d do anything they asked, so he could see him. Tal’karin smiled and even gave him the great courtesy of walking him down to where the office stood. Poe had seen tons of pilots and soldiers go in and out of those doors. He just never thought he’d be one of them.  _Weak..._  His mind whispered to him, Poe glanced to the side, but the door to the office was open and the Twi’lek almost shoved him inside and closed the door.

 

The room was, well, much different than he thought it would be. It looked like a living room. A couch, some chairs and holopads. The room exuded comfort but none seemed to leak into him. Poe drug shaky fingers through his hair and waited nervously.

 

“Please sit, Mister Dameron. I’ve been expecting you.” Poe’s dark eyes flew toward the voice of an older man, warm and welcoming. The man was slightly chubby, scruffy beard, not as refined as he’d expect but maybe he wasn’t trying to look clean and clinical. He’d seen him before. Poe didn’t know he was a doctor but thought maybe staff or an officer. With a sigh, his hands relaxed before he moved to sit in a chair, avoiding the couch.

 

Dr. Jacen Lotham sat across from him in the other chair. He held no holopad, nothing to take notes with; instead he leaned back and sat comfortably. He’s done this a million times. It’s just a talk. They come to talk and he gives them advice on whatever they want, but they have to want it. The difference today was that Poe Dameron was forced to come. So he approached this a little differently.

 

“Poe, I’ve heard you pushed yourself past your limits recently.” He paused to gauge a reaction, but found his patient to look rather stoic. “You ended up having a bad panic attack that knocked you out for two days.” Poe glanced up to Lotham, his mouth gaping to say something but closed it and looked down at his lap instead. The doctor sighed. “Leia has been very worried about you since coming back from Starkiller. She didn’t talk to you about it yet, she was going to but you blacked out before she even got a chance.” He paused; Poe looked crumpled, almost defeated in posture. “How much have you slept in the past two weeks?” Lotham asked gently.

 

Poe had to think it over. Some nights he slept, but only with use of medication. Other nights he hardly did. He grimaced; he’s only slept a handful of nights in the past fourteen days, not including this blackout. And those nights there weren’t even full nights. 

 

“Not a lot.” He said and clapped his hands once before rubbing them together. “I’ve been trying to take some sleep aid though. I forget to ask.” Poe tagged on.  “Mmm.” Already more than he wanted to say. He was tired; he could be talky when he was tired, he needed to be more focused

 

“Why do you think you’re having trouble sleeping?” Lotham added as casually as one would ask ‘how’s your family?’ Poe didn’t like that question either. He scratched at his palm and looked up.

 

“Been busy.” He lied. Obvious lie. He was a terrible liar. Lotham chuckled and shifted in his seat, leaning forward and smiling.

 

“Pilots are always busy. And I know pilots don’t always get the best sleep, but you were grounded for a week.” Lotham pointed out and tapped on his arm of his seat. “How about this. Let’s just talk about sleep. I want you to feel better. Sleep will help. If you let me know what’s going on maybe I can get you the right prescription to help with that. Yeah?” He shrugged and let the idea sit a moment. “Let me know that and I’ll let you go for today.”

 

 

Poe perked up. The words to fufil that request almost tumbling from his lips. It seemed easy enough. It wasn’t that Poe was really unwanting of help; he just had something right now he wanted to do more. But the words never made it past his throat. This still wouldn’t be super easy though.  _Weak.....Weak.... It’ll show you’re weak...._  The voice inside him gnawed at his skull. Lotham could see the struggle etched in Poe’s features, but offered no verbal or physical acknowledgement

 

Silence began to expand, filling corners and creases of the room before Poe finally managed something. It started out as a mumble. And Lotham couldn’t hear him so he waited. Then Poe sighed and threw his head back to rest on the back of the chair, staring at the ceiling.

 

“I’ve been having nightmares.... I remember.... I’m being forced to remember...” His hands gripped at the arms of the chair and he struggled and he turned a pained look to the Doctor pleadingly. Lotham raised his hand in understanding. 

 

“Alright, it’s a start.” The doctor said. “You will need to come back regularly. This was barely a session, so come back tomorrow. Right now I can give you something that will help ease you at bed time but you’ll still feel alright in the morning.” He smiled and then let it fall just enough. “The general wants you to have five nights of good sleep before being allowed on a mission. You can still fly around the planet but not outside the orbit.” Poe was upset that something so recently given back to him was being taken away, but he understood. He felt dreadful, like a scolded child, but he understood. “I’ll forward the medication to Miss Tal’Karin and it’ll be ready for you when you drop back by.” Lotham stood and walked over, offering Poe a hand up from his chair. Poe took it and felt himself being hauled up. Jacen held onto Poe’s hand a moment longer, forcing Poe to look up at him.

 

“Remember, Poe, this is nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone has come through that door before, even the general. No one can carry burdens alone for long.” The doctor released Poe’s hand and moved over to the wall of holopads.

 

“I’m good?” Poe asked swallowing thickly, standing awkward and still, ready to bolt.

 

“For now.” Lotham had barely finished the sentence before Poe was flying out of his office. With a sigh he pulled up ‘Dameron, Poe’ on his file and sent off the medication before placing it back down.

 

Poe went skidding into the med bay; he had to dodge a few officers and crew as he went. However, once again, the blue twi’lek was waiting for him and he had to slow down to a slow walk as he approached. Poe groaned and rubbed his face. “What now.”

 

“I need you to be calm and quiet.” Tal said. “Our patient is sleeping.” She murmured, her golden eyes giving him a look.

 

“He’s been ‘sleeping’ for two weeks. Don’t pull my leg.” He said as he moved past her. She hooked a finger into his belt loop which pulled him to a halt again. Oh he was getting tired of this. 

 

“Dameron... He’s sleeping...” She said gently softly. It took a few really long seconds for him to hear what she was trying to imply. Then something broke across his face. Some excitement, then awe, the joy and then sadness. It all swelled up around him and crashed down as anger.

 

“How long. Did you know when I came in here this morning?” He said roughly grabbing her wrist to make sure she didn’t leave without answering.

 

“Yes. I did.” Her chin jutted up at him. “And I knew you’d rush to see him but we needed to see to you first. You haven’t been taking care of yourself. You need to do that first before trying to take care of someone else.” Poe’s hand squeezed tightly around her wrist; her look turned cold. “If you wish to go see him I suggest you let go. If you wish to see him the whole time he recovers, then you have to make sure you are recovering too.” Poe held his ground for a moment before slowly letting go. Tal’karin was right, and it made him angry. But she was right. He went from running hot to cooling down quickly, for the sake of staying.

 

“Where is he?” He asks in a husky whisper. Tal nodded behind him and he glanced following where she motioned to. One cot was sectioned off away from the view of others. Poe sucked in sharply and nodded his thanks before quietly walking over and all anger and frustration fell out of him before he reached the curtain.

 

Slowly he drew it open and looked inside. A chair, his chair, was already settled beside the bed. _Damn that nurse._ As he walked to it, he looked over Finn who was wearing different clothing now, something warmer. Was he this thin before? No. Two weeks of not moving had taken its toll. Poe sighed, sitting down and doing his best to be silent, but failing as the chair squeaked beneath his weight. He folded his arms on the edge of his bed carefully, and rested his head there, watching the steady rise and fall of Finn’s chest. The sound and rhythm calming and hypnotic. Poe closed his eyes, this day was already too much, and he promised himself it was just closing his eyes, before he seemed to drift off into sleep. He was only in a light sleep when something touched his head. Poe’s eyes snapped open and the dark wrist of the man near him was over his eyes, and the hand attached was in his hair.

 

Poe shivered and resisted lifting his head just enough to kiss that wrist. Instead, he began to cry, just a little, in relief. Because Finn was awake. Finn was touching his hair. Finn was okay, as okay as he could be and he could just ease into being better.

 

“Poe.” The voice that said his name sounded as dry and airy as desert air. The lack of use made it hard for Finn to speak. Poe lifted his head, holding Finn’s hand away from his tear stained face and letting it rest back on the bed. Finn’s eyes were cracked open just barely, his lips were moving, he wanted to say things but Poe just did his best to smile his debonair smile, even with the tears, and circled his thumb over the back of Finn’s hand.

 

“ ’ey Buddy. Good to see you back.” Poe’s heart hurt. Everything hurt. Finn probably hurt too. They both hurt in different ways. And yet, Finn attempted a smile. Tired, so tired, but a smile. Poe couldn’t help himself and reached out to cup Finn’s cheek. Finn tried to raise his hand and use a finger to brush along Poe’s cheek, but it hardly made it off then bed. Instead he just tried to say one word to convey something.

 

“Cry…” Finn’s brows knitted in concern. Poe used a free hand to wipe at his face, to hide what had already been seen.

 

“I’m just, wow, so happy.” Poe said, his voice cracked. God he didn’t want Finn to see him like this. He just wanted Finn’s first images back to be happy and wonderful. Finn sighed, and it seemed to take effort, and his cheek leaned into Poe’s hand. Touch, gentle touch. And like that, Finn was asleep again.

 

“Just… Just so happy.” Poe murmured again. His thumb brushed over Finn’s cheek, it was slightly more angular now. How had he not noticed? Slowly he drew his hand away and rested back easier in the chair. “Kriffing… shit…” He grumbled and pushed his palms into his eyes and gave a laugh. “So happy….”

 

Tal eventually came back, and had Poe leave to get food, letting him know Finn would be in and out of it like this for a little while. Poe had to promise to sleep in his cot tonight, with the new medication, so he couldn’t stay here. He understood, he didn’t like it, but he understood. But after dinner, the pilot came by just to see if he was awake before bed.

 

No one stopped him from entering, which was a relief; he was tired of fighting people. He ducked between the curtains and glanced to Finn. There was a small tray of food, hardly touched, all mush. A soft sound escaping Finn’s lips alerted Poe to the fact he was awake. Poe smiled, just a little, and walked over, and settled on the edge of the bed just hoping to be nearby comfort. Finn made a pained gasp at the shift in the cot and Poe immediately moved to stand.

 

“N-no.” Finn said as quickly as he could manage. Dark eyes looked at him pleadingly and he settled back down. Finn winced but then relaxed, eyes fluttering in the comfort of someone being near by. Poe rested his hand on Finn’s gently, smoothing over his knuckles. The quiet settled between them, for a moment Poe thought Finn had fallen asleep again before he felt the ex-troopers fingers twitch and grasp, as if trying to hold Poe’s hand. Poe could feel his heart in his throat, and he shifts his hand so that Finn can feel it under his.

 

“Don-…. Don’t go…” Finn struggled with the words and it broke Poe’s heart. How Finn must feel. Waking up, alone, dazed and in pain, hardly staying awake for long before growing tired and sleeping again. Poe rested another hand on Finn’s chest and hummed gently.

 

“I’ll stay until you sleep again… But they won’t let me stay the night.” He told him giving him a sympathetic smile. “But I’ll be here bright and early and we can have lunch together… I can bring a book now that you can hear me, and read…” Finn looked slightly crestfallen.  “Hey, buddy, no don’t look at me like that. It’ll be okay.” Poe said almost immediately and gave him a half grin. “I’ll be around…on base all day. If I’m not here, right here…. Have the blue chick call me. Her name is Tal’Karin. She’s… She’s good people.”

 

“Poe.” His name a whimper and a sigh.

 

“Sorry.” Poe murmured and shifted, and before he could stop himself had his forehead resting against Finn’s, hands cradling Finn’s head. He heard Finn’s breath hitched and he took a large shaky breath. “Sorry. I’m here.” Poe said quietly. He could feel Finn tremble beneath him. Poe wanted to say things like ‘Relax’ or ‘It’s okay.’ He mentally shook those away and instead began to hum softly. Finn began to calm and relax under his touch and voice.

 

“ ‘member.” Finn sighed. “Hummmm.” His lips twitched into a smile and Poe’s voice faltered mid hum. Remembered humming? The only time he hummed to Finn was when he was in the coma. Oh… Oh god. He tried to remain calm through it.

 

“Yeah, I sat here and I hummed and sang softly to you…. Didn’t know you were listening.” He admitted.

 

“More… please…” Finn’s eyes fluttered closed and Poe lifted his head, lips brushing across Finn’s forehead before pulling away. He lifted himself up and placed both hands over Finn’s, rubbing it gentle, stimulating and relaxing.

 

He sang softly, a song of no words. Finn fought to stay awake but was fading fast. Poe smiled; it was like a child fighting bed time. Poe’s hand moved to rub at Finn’s arm and after a minute of singing, Finn was out, sleeping like had never woken at all.

 

“Very sweet of you.” Poe twitched slightly at the cool voice. He already knew who it was, that voice has been following him the past few days.

 

“I promise I was just coming to say good night.” He said as he moved to stand and face the nurse. She didn’t look cross, like Poe had envisioned she’d be, quite the opposite, she looked a bit touched by the actions. Tal pushed her lekku behind her and picked up Finn’s holopad and nodded towards Poe. He instinctively followed.

 

“I’ll walk you to your room, and we’ll talk about Finn’s next steps.” Poe grunted at her words and she gave his arm a little pat. “Come on, Dameron. No reason to be frowning now.” He rolled his eyes instead but did give a small grin. They walked down the quiet hall way as she brought up Finn’s information. “He’s awake now, obviously. And he’s got feeling in his feet and legs, it’s all good signs.” She explained.

 

“Then why is he still sleeping and in pain? You said it was all healed….” He asked peaking over her shoulder at the pad.

 

“Well, the muscle in his body has atrophied greatly. It doesn’t take long for that to happen. He’s already more than 11 kilos lighter than he was when he arrived.” She paused at the end of the hall. “It’s like when you go on a long mission. Your legs will ache when you get out of the cockpit because they haven’t moved much… It’s like that but worse. The pain meds only do so much. We’re letting him sleep off what he can today and then tomorrow we start physical therapy.” Poe looked concerned, very concerned.

 

“What can I do to help?” He murmured and scratched at his neck.

 

“Be there for him. He doesn’t know much of anyone else on base. He needs to talk, so talk to him. When we get him standing go for small walks with him. Being there for him might help with you too.” Poe looked down a moment and nodded, he squeezed her shoulder.

 

“Thank you, for everything.”

 

“Don’t thank me yet. The road will still be rough, for both of you.” Tal’karin patted his cheek. “Go to bed, Poe.” He blinked; did she just use his first name? Had she done that before...? He only remembered the cool tone of her voice rolling over his last name. This time it was more of a ‘please just do this’ sound. Before he could think further she was walking back to medbay.

 

He walked, quietly, to his room where, alone, he took his medication and climbed into bed. It wasn’t long before he was asleep and dreaming. Poe dreamed that night of gentle touches, of silent words and stolen kisses. He dreamed of something beautiful and nice for the first time in a long time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know how I'm doing by leaving a comment or some kudos!


	6. Lifting Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn has his first therapy session and Poe and Finn are rewarded with time alone outside of medbay where Poe struggles to hold his feelings back and Finn struggles to figure out what his are.
> 
> -No betareader

Finn woke up slowly, eyes tugged away at the sleepy crusts that entangled themselves there. He felt heavy, it took effort to move, but he tried, and his body was already trying to sit up before his brain was fully away of the action. His world in front of him came into focus. Between the dulled over pain and the exhaustion in his bones, he found out he was still in med bay, and alone. He almost gave a whine, wanting to have someone at his side to keep him company. Tell him what’s been going on. Finn tried to get his legs to move, struggling against sense to try to leave the bed.

 

“Finn, what are you doing?”

 

He paused, losing his momentum by stopping and sagged back into his pillow with a soft  _whump_. Standing at the head of his bed was the nurse Poe had mentioned. She didn’t look pleased.  _What was he name? Pal’Raking? No...Tal’karing... No....  Tal’Karin. Yes that was it._

 

“If you need to get up, Finn, you need to just ask, but you’ll need help.” The tw’ilek came around to come into his vision easier. Finn shook his head slightly, brows knit, throat rough and aching.

 

“I...” He frowned at his voice. It wasn’t his first time waking up but he seemed more here today than the in-betweens of yesterday. He sounded awful. Tal placed a hand on his arm. It was cool and soft, it gave him goosebumps along that arm, but he understood the idea behind it. “Water?” He managed. His stomach also made a loud painful noise. Finn’s dark eyes gave Tal a pleading look.

 

“I’ll have something for you to eat sent over, in the meantime.” Tal lifted her hand from him and turned to a small table beside him. He watched her lekku sway gently with her movement. What he didn’t see was that she was dissolving some powder into warm water for him. Hydration and a vitamin boost. She popped in a straw and held it out to him; he thought it was odd at first because she held the cup in front of his face. Finn grunted and moved an arm shakily up. She pushed it back down. “You’ll shake it everywhere. You can try with food but I’m sure you don’t want a wet lap.”

 

Finn was opening his mouth to protest but she placed the straw to his lips. “Drink.” She told him. “Then we can talk.” The golden eyes watched him and he gave in and drank. The water was slightly sweet, warmer than he’d want but it soothed both his throat and his thirst.

 

It took a few long minutes to finish the glass. He felt better after that, he licked his lips of excess and sighed softly. Tal set the glass aside and then settled on a stool, and picked up her holopad.

 

“Poe?” He asked softly.

 

“He’s sleeping. It’s not even daylight out.” She explained, and gave Finn a smile. “I’m sure he’ll come by the moment he’s up.” Tal’s smile turned a bit knowing. “He’s been here just about every day, unless someone shoo’s him out.” Finn looked surprised and processed this over. He remembered voices in his coma dreams. Poe’s voice. He remembered tell Poe that, or something like that.  Tal didn’t give him too long to process that though.

 

“Today, after you eat and we get you in the refresher-“ Finn made a sound of gratitude at the idea of a shower. There was even a soft ‘yes’ that came from him that made the nurse smile. “we will start physical therapy. I’m sure you can tell from how you feel that you’ve lost a lot of muscle. Enough to affect your immediate recovery.”

 

Finn had a feeling that was the case. He had at one point enough time awake to look at least at his arms. He nodded his understanding and flexed his hands, which ached. He ached in general.

 

“How long?” Oh he managed two words.

 

“It’ll be a while, but not as long as you think. Because eventually just moving around on a daily and going to the gym will help.” She explained as a droid bustled in with a plate of mush. He gave a look of disdain and Tal moved right into chiding him. “You have to eat liquids and not solids. You haven’t actually eaten in a few weeks and we don’t want you getting sick, this is to ease you back into it.”

 

Tal stood, moving to take the tray with grace and set it down on the table. She shooed the droid out and reached under the bed. “I’m going have the bed fold up so you can sit. Ready?” Finn nodded and tried to relax. The head of the bed smoothly began to move upword. Tal watched Finn for distress and though he winced a time or too it didn’t seem to just the discomfort of moving. She stopped the bed and pulled up a tray holder and set his breakfast down.

 

“Take your time. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help. We’re here to give it.” Tal said and laid out a spoon for him.

 

“Thank you.” He said feeling a bit more confident in his voice. Tal nodded and moved to leave. Giving Finn time to himself and his meal before the day started.

 

 

It was hours before Poe made it to see him. First Poe had overslept. Then he needed to wash and see Dr. Lotham. He spent an hour there where they seemed it, in Poe’s opinion, chit chat about things for a while and only really talked about hard hitting stuff for ten minutes or so. But they both agreed that for the moment the medication was working. He knew the doctor was working his way up to what happened with Kylo, but Lotham seemed to be letting Poe take control of how the sessions went as long as he talked and they discussed something that he may need help on. His goal for this week was three meals a day, training time every other day, full nights of sleep and down time.

 

Poe wanted to argue he was doing those things, but when asked to talk about the lay out of the last few days he remembered, he realized he had been missing out on meals and other things that could help keep him level. So he agreed. That meant he had to make a mad dash for breakfast, grab it to go and then try to look cool and collected upon entering med bay.

 

Poe was surprised to see Finn in a wheelchair, it was great to see him in a position that wasn’t horizontal. Well… His mind trailed off to a sultry spot,  _not all horizontal positions are bad_ … Poe shook away the thought and dropped the breakfast on Finn’s bed.

 

“Hey buddy!” Poe chimed in with a broad grin. Finn leaned his head back and smiled at Poe.

 

“ ‘ey.” Finn’s graveled voice responded, though his features were bright. Looking better already, in Poe’s humble opinion.

 

“Sweet ride, what model is that? A Z95 headhunter?” Poe placed his hands on Finn’s chair and spun him so they could face each other. There was a bit too much excitement in the swing, it agitated Finn’s back causing an unpleasant grimace. Which immediately had Poe fumbling with apologies.

 

“Oh man, I’m sorry.” Poe’s hands were on Finn’s torso and then shoulders to make sure he was okay, then they moved up to cup his cheeks. Finn licked his dry lips and sat there uncertain of what to do, Poe wasn’t moving though, he seemed to be studying Finn. Awake. A rattling sigh fell out of Poe, and he pulled his hands back. “Sorry.”

 

“ S’okay.” Finn said with a weak laugh, gave Poe a smile and lifted a wavering arm to give him a thumbs up.  He wanted to stand and give his friend a hug, for all he did, but he’d probably just fall. So the thumbs up, for now, would have to do. “About to… have therapy.” He wrinkled his nose at his own voice, he was practicing talk more to get his vocal chords back to use but it still sounded odd. Deeper, rougher, scratchier.

 

Poe smirked and came behind him, hands on the handles of the chair. “Then I’m here right on time.” He knew where therapy was usually held, he’d been in there a few times for an injury or too but as he went to push Finn along a medical droid stopped him.

 

“Sir. Master Finn is not to leave yet. He will be having his session here.” His hands gripped the handles a little harder, Finn could hear the rubber creak under the force of it and tried to glance back at Poe.

 

“Yeah, alright.” He turned Finn back toward his cot area and leaned down near Finn’s ear. “I’ll take you out later. Get some unrecycled air, yeah? See the trees?” Poe offered, though he’d probably do it anyway. Give Finn a change of scenery. The response from Finn made Poe relax some.

 

“Love to.”

 

Poe grinned for all the world to see, but the only one who saw was the nurse. Who was coming back with what looked like toys in her hands. She gave him a quick knowing look before setting the object at the foot of the bed.

 

“Looks like your cheerleading group is here.” Tal’Karin said with a smile to Finn. Poe turned pink and turned a bit away at the comment, but she saw the sheepish grin. “Today we’ll just work on contracting muscles. So since we’re sitting we’ll start with arms.”

 

The session was long, which felt even longer for Finn. He squeezed stress balls and stretched bands the best he could. Then Tal and Poe helped him to the bed and they worked on legs. For the back they had him roll over and the attached nodes along the spine, which received messages from a computer to help with the contraction of muscles. Finn was already tired and sore by this point. Poe spent the time he laid there talking to him, keeping his mind away from the therapy and more on his voice. Finn eventually fell asleep in the last minutes of the node therapy.

 

“He’s done… help me take these off? Gently.” Tal whispered to Poe. The pilot slowly rose and peeled off the square patches off warm skin and he handed them off the cool hands of the Twi’lek. “Today went well.” She said as they went. “He’s stronger than we believed, but he still needs the therapy. He may recover sooner than anticipated, good news all around.”

 

Poe’s fingers paused at the edge of the scarring. It wasn’t a clean cut. It was jagged and thick and torn looking, the effects of a cracked crystal blade. The scarring that had sewn the two pieces back together was dark, hard and shiny. 

 

“Focus Dameron.” Tal said drawing his attention back to her. 

 

“I want to take him out today.” He said rather suddenly. “Out... on a walk. Sunlight and fresh air might do us... him some good.” Poe explained pulling his hands away from Finn and awkwardly finding his own pockets to stuff him in. Tal cocked her head, gold eyes looking him over. 

 

“You went to Lotham today?” She asked. Poe nodded. “Slept well.” He nodded again, a small smirk on his lips. “Took care of yourself first, right?” Poe nodded again. 

 

“Yes, yes. I want to be here, so I’m here. And I’m doing as told.”

 

“I’ll comm you when he’s up and ready. Go train or work out or something you pilots do until then.” She said picking her holopad. Then the nurse suddenly found herself lifted off the floor, Poe had bear hugged her from behind and swirled her around in his happiness, his normal side popping out in a moment of gratitude. Tal’karin hit his arm a few times, not hard, and huffed. “Yes, yes, put me down you big lug.”

 

Poe laughed and set her down. “You made my day, Tal.” He said with a broad grin and she in returned pinched his arm sharply.

 

“Tal’karin.” She said with a huff. “ _Frotz,_ Get out and go.” The nurse gave him a shove and had him leaving the room lighter on his feet. Once he was cleared out she settled back on her stool and updated her holopad with Finn’s therapy session.

 

Finn woke up in the late afternoon. He forgot himself and stretched, which cause his body to recoil in pained twinges. A groan of defeat reverberated in his chest and he moved to try to roll off his chest. That was much harder than it looked, but with a lot of grunting and small shifts he flopped happily to the side that didn’t have him face down in a pillow. There were clothes on Poe’s chair, which had him confused and off to the side a note that he couldn’t focus on right now. Soon a male nurse came in, he was human pale and lanky and he missed his Twi’lek nurse and his tan friend. They brought color and life to his cot.

 

“Alright, Finn. You’ve got a nice relaxing afternoon planned, but we need to get you in the refresher.” His voice was monotonous and distant.

 

“Thank the maker.” Finn mumbled and moved to sit himself up. The nurse, Alin, was quick to have a hand on his back, aiding in the move to sit up. Slowly he stood, legs trembling some not quite ready to be on their own, and then sat down in his wheel chair. Alin then picked up the clothes and laid them in Finns lap with the note. “Huh…”

 

“Your friend dropped them by an hour ago.” Alin explained as he pushed him along.

 

Finn brushed his fingers along the fabric of the shirt, soft and worn. Was it Poe’s? He thought about it for a moment before they reached the refresher. Alin was very clinical in helping Finn undress. The med-bay had a sitting shower area, so that patients who had trouble standing could still wash themselves.

 

It was nice to be able to do things on his own, even if it took a long time, and his hands shook, and the water went from hot, to warm, to cold. Alin was back in when the water turned off, and Finn was starting to realize why there was a male nurse today. The clothes he was helped into were a comfy pair of lounge pants and a clean warm quarter sleeve shirt that felt amazing against his skin. And it all smelled of Poe.

 

Finn hadn’t really had much time to think about feelings or anything more than survival since before and after his coma. But now he started to wonder why it made him feel stronger and safer when he was near, physically or spiritually. He shook the thoughts from his mind as he was helped back into his chair, feeling clean and warm and maybe even loved.

 

Okay, very loved. When they came back to the cot the pilot who’s been in his life since he left the order was there, beaming. Finn licked his lips nervously and the smiled back.

 

“What’s all this?” His voice sounded normal, for a moment. The shower helped.

 

“I’m taking you out.” Poe said moving to bump Alin out from behind the chair.

 

“And he can’t be gone for too long, Dameron. He needs his medication and rest.”

 

“He just woke up, it’ll be fine.” Poe was already moving forward. “I’m sure Leia will be watching me like a hawk anyway.” He called behind him and was out the medbay door. Finn though, was uncertain. He didn’t want people seeing him like this. He was thin and healing still and  _weak._  But the idea of being out of the medical wing was more enticing.

 

Poe seemed to be taking a scenic route because hardly anyone was in the hall ways he chose to drive them down. Then suddenly they were in a room. Poe’s room, he discerned by the sound of BB-8 chirping excitedly.

 

“Just a pit stop. Then we’ll be on our way.” Poe said his hand passing over Finn’s head as if ruffling the puff of tightly knit curls. They were getting longer and springier. Finn noted that he’d want a trim soon. Wait, did Poe just caress his head? He places his hands on the wheel of his chair and attempted to turn and shift himself further into Poe’s room but was met by BB-8 and beep and whirled around him.

 

“Hey, BB. Good to see you too.” Finn reached and hand to the side and patted the top of the droid’s head. With BB-8 to distracted, Poe filled a bag with blankets and some pillows and a cooler. He hefted the bag onto his shoulders and then came back to hold onto Finn’s wheel chair.

 

“Ready?”

 

“Yeah… what are we doing?” Finn asked as he felt himself being turned to the door.

 

“We’re going out. Get some sun, eat a little, relax. Stretch those leg-“

 

“I can’t really walk well Poe.”

 

“No, no, like just sit and stretch, or lay out. It’s good for you, for anyone.” They were back in the hall, moving through the stone corridors. There was two lefts and a right before they were out on what looked like a rundown veranda. It face where the sun was setting and was thus the sunniest (and maybe currently the most romantic) spot on the base. Poe parked Finn looking over the trees as he dropped his bag and started setting up.

 

“The squadron wanted you to see them but I said another time. I though a moment alone… or almost alone out in the fresh air was a better idea.” Poe was laying out blankets and pillows and more blankets. Finn was watching him instead of the trees and realized he was trying to make the ground comfortable. Poe wanted Finn to have a moment of outside and normalcy. Finn chewed at his lip and tore his gaze away to look back at scenery as his mind tumbled over the thoughts in his head. Hands were taking his, calloused hands squeezing his and Finn looked up.

 

“Come on, I’ll help you.” Finn seemed unsure, but Poe seemed confident, and that confidence traveled through Poe and into Finn.

 

“Okay, slowly.” Finn said as he did his best on his side to help. The chair being locked down gave Finn something to press against to start his movement, bare feet touched cool stone and it chilled him briefly. Poe’s hands pulled him up and he was standing, gripping Poe’s arms stronger than he had gripped anything in therapy, but he was standing. The pilot’s movements were smooth as he shifted the ex-troopers weight so he supported it and helped him the short distance to the blanketed area. It wasn’t the easiest thing to sit down all the way on the ground.  But with the support of pillows it was at least comfortable. However staying sitting up without assistance was harder than he thought, but he maintained it for the moment.

 

Poe joined him, right next to him and closed his eyes a moment and took in a deep breath before letting it go in a cathartic sigh. Finn flexed his toes and then looked over as the ambience sound of the world around them filled their bones. Finn shifted to put his weight on his hands, stabilizing him. Finn was about to say something when Poe picked up the reins instead.

 

“I’ve been wanting to get you out of there from the moment you got in.” He murmured tenderly. “You didn’t look right being in there, no moving, not enjoying things.” Poe glanced over and smiled a kiddish smile. “I’m so happy to have you back buddy.”

 

His body trembled at the words. Poe was really… He reached out a hand, and Poe’s features soft, almost unsure before either of them really realized it, Finn had drug Poe into a hug. Poe just about melted right into it, holding Finn securely and pressing his face into Finn’s neck. He wanted this hug since the moment he landed after Starkiller.

 

“I really missed you Buddy… I really… I really did.” Poe’s words wrapped around Finn like a blanket, he could hear and feel the swell of emotion that the pilot was holding back. Poe didn’t want to let too much go at once, but he was a leaking dam ready to burst, just not today. The pilot loosened his hold on Finn and as he pulled back Finn could see the flushed look across Poe’s olive skin.

 

Self-consciously Poe turned away to open the cooler and he took out two drinks. They weren’t water, but Poe was assured it would be okay for Finn to drink. Smoothies. A liquid tasty way to get in the vitamins needed to nourish a healing body. He held on to Finn who took it shakily and Poe toasted them.

 

“To our health.” Poe said and sipped his through a straw.

 

_Our health?_ Finn wondered. _Is something wrong with Poe?_ Finn sipped his smoothie and his eyes widened.

 

“Holy shit.”

 

“Yeah, I know, right?” Poe leaned back on one hand.

 

“Holy shit this is fantastic…” Finn said very seriously. “What’s in this?”

 

“It’s a secret-oop!” Poe reached out quickly and caught Finn before he fell backward. Okay he’d been sitting too long, and his arm support had given out. “Shit, wow, I didn’t think this through huh.” He frowned and already was moving with a plan. Finn was apologizing already.

 

“Sorry. No, this has been great. I’m so…” He trailed off. Poe was moving to sit behind him, and let Finn’s body fall back to rest against his chest, like he was the back of a chair. The pilot’s legs bordered him like chair arms and his hands held Finn steady at the waist. Finn was tense, heart pounding, unsure what to do.

 

“Relax, I’m not… I’m not going to bite. Just… Just relax, yeah?” Poe said, stammering slightly, and hiding his face in Finn’s shoulder. Finn did as he was told. Eventually the awkwardness wore off and the position became comfortable. They shared their drinks, and when Finn’s throat ached, Poe would tell him stories. The sun dip below the tree line which splashed colors across the sky and Finn napped through it, comfortable in the warmth of Poe’s body, lulled by the sound of breathing and heartbeats.

 

“I’m fucked.” Poe murmured, face pressed to Finn’s neck, leaving a secret kiss there in the crook of it. Once night finally took over the sky, Poe gently woke Finn who was cute and sleepy and shit Poe was so fucked. He helped Finn to his chair and let him watch the stars as Poe packed the setting away. Then was the slow walk back to medbay where Tal’Karin had Poe say good night at the door and Finn looked a little distraught to see him go.

 

“Did you have fun this afternoon? D’qar can be very beautiful.” The twi’lek asked him as she rolled him to his cot.

 

Finn reached up and touched a spot on his neck, and hummed a moment before nodding. “Yeah it was great to be out and moving.” _Really great…._

 

Poe slumped off to his room, and tossed himself into bed, he could still feel Finn’s body against his, and he sighed against his pillow, took his medication and tried to distract himself into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments on how I'm doing!
> 
> I love all my readers!


	7. Stabilizing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe is allowed to start training new recruits and Finn surprises him that night in med bay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled a bit with this one. Sorry if it seems that way but I think I smoothed it out

The next two days were full of Poe sitting with Finn, helping him through stretches and dumb stories. He had promised Finn another excursion soon; tomorrow in fact, he just wanted to find a good place, maybe a better place to do it than the veranda. He had one place in mind but he wanted to check it out first. However, Poe didn’t drop by the next morning, or even afternoon, he was slotted for formation training with new recruits. The General had approved it since it wouldn’t take him far from base and with his bio-metrics were monitored, they could pull him back safely if something were to happen. The nurse explained this to Finn when she noticed him watching the door and waiting.

“I’m sure he will visit before bed.” Tal explained, giving his arm a little pat. Finn made a soft hopeful hum in his throat. “You did well in therapy today.” She continued on, drawing his attention away from the door. “The node treatment, along with the medication and PT are showing great stride in your recovery. In a few days we’ll try you with a walker on your own, just for turns about the med bay. I think in a week we can have you in a normal room, but you’ll bunk with someone in case you still need assistance.” She seemed to be clicking through a list of talking points and Finn was a bit overloaded by the information, but the last one stood out.

“Wait, what?” He shifted uncomfortably in his cot. “Who would I be bunking with, I... I don’t know anyone...” Finn looked confused. _Wait, no, he knew someone...._ Tal didn’t answer, because from the look on his face, he might already know.

“ _Dira‘Ayy,_ do not fret.” She cooed and placed the holopad down. Dira‘Ayy, that wasn’t the first time she’s called him that. Maybe it meant something endearing, he thought, the way her voice curled around the words.

It was odd, but Tal’karin had become comfortable around her patient in a way that let her slip into her native tongue, though Finn hardly knew anything but common. Tal’karin spoke in Ryl to Poe only to scold him or give him encouragement. For all they knew she could be calling them the dark side of a bantha’s end. But really she was calling him Gentle Star, for the way the man lit up Poe’s face, and had drug him into his gravity to keep him from falling into the void of space.

Today she lent Finn a holopad to read from and relax his aches and pains from therapy, he was tired but he wasn’t tired enough to sleep. He practiced stretching his feet back and forth as he read about the resistance, and news, and gossip.

* * * * *

Poe’s day had gone well. And he was damn proud of it. He had led trainees out into the air and had them execute maneuvers over the forest. They weren’t the tightest formations but they were doing them. The played a game of follow the leader, and Poe had them barreling and looping through the air. No one died and no one got hurt and everyone landed fine. Then he took up the next set and repeated it. By the time he was done, showed them ship maintence, and filed his report, it was edging into dinner time. He didn’t hit all his needs for the day to see Finn (breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Medication and Therapy), but he was given the exception to miss some of those because of work and was told to have dinner in the mess hall before seeing Finn that night.

The scene was familiar, Snap and Jess sitting around him and he was unsure what would happen. But his squad kept him pleasantly grounded. They want to come see Finn soon, and had been keeping their distance from him until the hero was ready for more visitors. They talked about new recruits, and about vacations they want to go to if there’s ever a break. Snap wanted to go home and see what family he’s got left. Jessika wanted to find somewhere and sun and swim. Poe talked about maybe going back to Yavin, maybe he’d reach out to space and see if his dad was out there, but he wasn’t really thinking about time away from the resistance.

“If anyone deserves a break it’s you.” Snap said pointing his finger at Poe. The pilot shook his head and waved off the comment.

“No, there’s still so much to be done. I can’t. Not until the fighting’s done and done.” His mother once said similar words. She didn’t want to stop fighting but she also had a family to raise. Poe had a few less attachments in that sense.

 

“Nah, I think once there’s a break and we got enough new troops you should go. Relax, make some non-wartime memories. We all deserve some normal memories.” Jessika said, to agree with Snap.

 

Poe just shrugged. He had no opinion on it currently because it wasn’t a reality that would be proposed to him now. Or maybe even relatively soon. Talk soon turned back to flights and what missions Snap and Jess were running and he listened intently to see what was going on without him. It seemed they were looking for possible new places to put a base. Thought they had destroyed the first order base, the first order was still out there, and now had an idea where they were.

 

“How long have you been looking?” Poe asked curiously. Snap winced at the question.

 

“A few days after we came back from Starkiller.” Right after Poe got grounded. Poe knitted his brow and looked a bit saddened by this, but Finn was still out then, and he wasn’t quite doing well himself around that time either. He had to let it go.

 

“Find anywhere?” Poe managed to ask and it seemed to ease both Jessika and Snap that he wasn’t reacting poorly.

 

“A few hits that are inhabitable and remote but nothing with enough space and cover.” Jessika said with a sigh. “There’s one that’s got a nice beach. I want that one but we’d be open sitting ducks.” This got a chuckle out of the table.

 

Dinner was done and Poe walked back to Medbay, bringing two desserts with him. Poe was thinking of what to say, he hadn't come and taken Finn out like he wanted to today. He walked in and no one stopped him and asked if he did all his prescribed needs for today, the blue twi’lek that he was starting to consider a friend wasn’t there to give him shit about being so late, it was so quiet and calm that it made him nervous and weary.

 

“Finn?” He started to say before being anywhere near his cot. “Finn!” He called out jogging further in until a groggy voice ahead of him mumbled his name. Thank god. Poe was worried something had happened, and Finn had gone and no one had told him. His mind set him up for something terrible. He slid into Finn’s area concealing his worry by plastering a grin on his face.

 

“Hey buddy, I get us some dessert.” He said as he moved to sit in his chair… where was his chair. There was instead Tal’s stool and another cot, a compact camping cot. “I… uh…” Finn moved gingerly to sit up, a holopad slipping from his chest and into his lap, and waved him over before rubbing at his eyes. He must have fallen asleep reading.

 

“I convinced her to… to let you have a cot here tonight.” He said with a yawn in there, and flexed his fingers a few times before pulling over his tray. “Dessert you said?” Poe hadn’t moved yet, he was a bit stunned and it took Finn prompting the question again to get him moving.

“Yeah, chocolate pudding, a base classic.” He said unsure where to sit but he did place down the two cups and pulled two spoons from his pocket. Finn grinned and scooted to one side of his bed.

 

“Sit there on the edge.” Finn suggested as he moved to grab the spoon and cup. Poe couldn’t help but feel a small swell of pride; Finn’s motor skills were coming back fast. He didn’t shake as much, which meant he could feed himself easier, and he could hold things longer and Poe knew for a fact he still practiced small exercises and stretches in bed after therapy to keep him from getting bored.

 

Poe settled in the space, his thigh just touched Finn’s leg as he faced him, warmth spreading through the point of contact. Finn took hearty bites of his pudding, delighting in the sweetness of the flavors, and how easy it was to eat. Poe poked at his pudding some with a smirk taking a small bite, but relinquished it in the end to Finn who was eager to have a bit more.

 

“So much better than what I’ve been eating, but I’ve been able to move up in what I can eat.” Finn explained when he was done and Poe was just light in the feeling of seeing some of Finn’s personality bubble up. He helped cleared off the bed and Poe found himself glancing at the cot.

 

“Poe?”

 

“Hmm? Yeah, Buddy?” He said his voice a little scruffy sounding as he slid his gaze to Finn.

 

“You don’t have to stay… I mean, I just thought…” Poe shook his head quickly cutting him off and taking his hand in a squeeze.

 

“Hey, no. That’s not what I’m thinking. I would be delighted, elated… just ecstatic to stay here tonight. I’m just amazed you convinced them…. I can’t tell you how many times they would kick me out to my own room while you were…” He trailed off and shrugged. “Ah, don’t worry. I’m staying.”  But Poe was worried. His medication was back in his room. He didn’t want to leave Finn and have to explain why. Finn shouldn’t have to worry about him. He hoped he’d be okay, just for tonight.

 

“I missed you today.” Finn’s voice drug him back out of his thoughts again and Poe smiled and kicked off his shoes.

 

“I’m sorry we didn’t get out. But we got good batch of new fliers coming in.” Poe, without asking, lay down on his side in the space Finn had allotted him to sit. “They’re letting me teach them and run them through maneuvers.” Poe’s hand, flat imitating a ship, flew above Finn. “Not one crash or injury so it was a good day. I’m just sorry it took so long.” Poe’s dark eyes met Finn’s, who was watching him intently, he smiled.

 

The past few days Finn was getting use to the fact Poe had no concept of personal space, or maybe it was the fact that Poe liked to be close to people. Like holding him that night on the veranda. Or stories how Poe would fall asleep on the edge of Finn’s bed during the coma. But all the nearness let Finn study his friend more, and he found he liked how the edge of his lips twitched, he like his expressive eyes and the unruly hair and warm voice. He remembers the feelings of Poe’s lips, but they were like hazy memories, maybe dreams.

 

“You’re one hell of a pilot.” Finn murmured, his voice expressed admiration and something more. Poe closed his eyes just a moment and then glanced over with a languid smile and tiredly rested his head near Finn’s, a large sighed shook through the pilot and Finn turned his head in concern, his body starting to follow before he heard Poe speak.

 

“Are you sure… you want me here tonight…” There was something odd in his tone, worry maybe fear, but not for Finn but for himself. Poe’s mind had twisted down fast.  One hell of a pilot but can’t keep his panic at bay. He needs his medicine but he’s too afraid to leave. There’s a hand on his shoulder, tender and broad, and he feels himself being pulled along and soon his body was half on Finn’s. Finn’s arms were around him, not as strong as that first hug they shared but he could feel Finn’s strength there still, and Poe’s face resting in the crook of Finn’s neck. Poe was too afraid to move. The walls he had up all day quickly dissolving. Finn could feel Poe’s body shudder under his touch and then relax with a soft noise. _Say something, Finn. Give him that final assurance._

 

Finn’s cheek pressed against Poe’s head and he said, with all the tenderness in the world. “Of course.” Finn felt Poe sag into the bed and went on to add. “Any night.” A hot wet feeling began to accumulate against the Finn’s neck; Poe was tearing up, possibly crying but unmoving. Finn had been given a warning upon his request for tonight, Tal had given him a brief rundown of certain things, things other people on base knew about and so it wasn’t quite confidential, but more a warning. Poe was dealing with things, and trying to alone. Like Finn’s body, Poe’s stability will take time to heal, or even just get to a place of some normalcy. Finn didn’t think it to be true, Poe was amazingly strong and happy person, but his own knowledge of his friend filled in the gaps between what he sees and what he doesn’t.

 

“I’m sorry… I should… I should go.” Poe says as he tried to untangle himself from Finn’s limbs, but in a swell of strength, Finn held him near still. Poe’s panic began to rise some but what Finn said next stop everything.

 

“Stay here… Stay tonight.” Finn said fiercely. “You don’t have to be alone, you’ve got me and soon we can do whatever but tonight… just stay.” Poe pauses and slowly lifts himself over Finn, who can see the pained expression in Poe’s face turn to one of confusion and then to one of…. one Finn doesn’t get from others. Love? Poe is unsure if this is real and Finn arms loosen from around Poe and he worries he going to fly off into space but Finn’s hands are on his shoulders, grounding, and slide of to his cheeks, _He grounds me,_  and soon their lips are touching and Poe can’t believe it, but it’s what he’s wanted and he just falls into it, easing down so Finn doesn’t have to lean up so much and returning the kiss with a flooding of love and passion that he’s held back.

 

Somewhere, on a Holovid screen, the scene is playing out. Tal’Karin smirks and turns off the feed to Finn’s room and sighs. “Kriffing finally.” She was only monitoring to make sure Poe didn’t react poorly, she had almost thought of pulling him out but Finn, with all the warning and knowledge she gave him around dinner, reacted as perfectly as he could. She just hoped she wouldn’t regret this in the morning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please make sure to leave a comment! I love to hear from everyone!


	8. 10-4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Poe's hospital sleepover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long and isn't as long. I hope you enjoy it!

He hasn’t woken up next to someone in a long time. Not since he was a child in the barracks with the first order. Even then he can still tell this is different. This wasn’t because there weren’t enough beds, or for warmth, or because you had to. This was something done because he wanted to. He hasn’t opened his eyes up yet, but he can feel the weight of Poe on him, it’s the only way to sleep two people in a medical cot. Finn take his time lavishing in the nearness of Poe. His scent, his warmth, and his weight against him and after a soft sigh he finally opens his eyes and glances over.

 

Poe has an arm draped over him and off the side of the cot, his head, full of soft curls is tucked just under his chin, one leg is nestled between Finn’s and the rest of him is resting on and next to him. Finn guesses this is why he can’t feel one of his arms so well, but it’s a great reason. Poe slept through the whole night with no incident. Finn didn’t want to wake him until he’s ready to wake on his own, he does dare, however, to nestle his cheek just slightly into his hair, and rests his hand, the one he can’t feel so great, against the small of Poe’s back to keep him near.

 

Last night didn’t last very long after the kiss, it seemed whatever Poe had been holding onto inside, once he let go of it, it had drained him. He fell asleep while they talked in murmurs to each other about love. Finn learned that Poe had fallen for him hard, Finn was playing catch up with his emotions. He liked Poe, a lot, but being out for so long didn’t give him much opportunity to think over his thoughts. That last few days though gave him plenty of time to figure out what exactly he had been feeling. Finn zoned out looking back on this and then was brought back with the sound of heeled shoes and his privacy curtain opening, Tal walked in and was about to say something but froze at the sight.

 

Finn lifted his free hand to silently shush her. The twi’lek canted her head to the side, her lekku twitched slightly, before she slid off her shoes soundlessly walked to Finn. She crouched down near the bed and looked over the sleeping, peaceful face of the pilot. She took down the holopad from the tableside and opened up a notepad, with her stylus she wrote:

 

_How long has he been sleeping?_

 

Finn read it from where he laid and mouthed out something by the look the nurse gave him he did not convey his message well. So he plucked the stylus from her fingers and wrote:

 

_All Night._

 

Tal gave a surprised look, first at how bad his handwriting was but second at the answer.

 

_No Nightmares?_

 

_None._

 

She chewed on her lip a moment and placed the pad in her lap. Tal’Karin wondered if this was a fluke. Maybe he was just so drained he fell past the ability of dreaming. She’s highly jumping to conclusions, the idea that Poe could sleep best around Finn. But it would do wonders for the pilot to just get sleep back to normal.

 

_Would you want to have him here again?_ She wrote giving him a curious look. Finn hesitated, no, he paused. He wasn’t unsure of the idea, but unsure of the integrity of this bed.

 

_Bigger bed?_ He wrote and gave her an unsure look, she laughed one quick loud laugh and covered her mouth. Finn gave a lazy grin, he’s not heard her laugh, the Twi’lek, most of the time, was so serious. But the sound had Poe giving a muffled groan, the two of them froze and Poe’s brows knit and relaxed and he shifted to find his niche again, Finn’s name mumbled tiredly before he relaxed again. That got the ex-trooper feeling a little flushed.

 

_I can’t. Maybe. Ten minutes more, then wake him gently._  She wrote, gave him a moment to read it before setting it down. She moved to leave, but a warm hand took her wrist. Amber eyes followed it back to Finn.

 

“Thank you.” He said as a sigh, and she nodded before slipping out of his fingers. She collected her shoes and left to go see if she could get two breakfasts here in 15 minutes.

 

Finn gave himself five of those two minutes to think, before he pressed a kiss to the top of Poe’s head, his thumb rubbed gentle circles on his lower back. Poe’s hand twitched lightly and Finn smiled.

 

“Poe…” His voice low, it rumbled in his chest and ended in a hum. “I hate to wake you...” He sighed and felt Poe beginning to shift on him, slowly rousing out of sleep. He shifted his hand up along Poe’s back, tracing along his spine and fingers gently burrowed into curls giving his head a gently rub which pulled a soft moan from him as Poe leaned back into his hand. Eyes fluttered once they opened Finn could feel Poe tense, just for a moment as he remembered how he got there. Then he gave a soft huff and closed his eyes again nuzzling into Finn’s neck.

 

“Ah, no, no. Come on. You gotta wake up.” Finn said with a breathy laugh and Poe groaned and lifted his head some. Finn finally got a look at him. Poe’s bed head was out of control, but he also looked better this morning, though he was still trying to wake the rest of himself up it seemed.

 

“Why...d’I wake ya’?” He mumbled tiredly, but it was tinged with concern.

 

“No, no. You slept like a babe.” Finn said with a smirk. “A really heavy babe, but a babe.” Poe furrowed his brow at that.

 

“I’m not fat.” He said looking down his body, which caused him to look down Finn’s body, his eyebrows raised some, _oh… ooohhh._  Poe moved to get off him, but Finn’s arm scooped him back down he smiled warmly.

 

“You’re perfect. How do you feel?” He asked dark eyes, curious and caring looked over Poe’s features and after Poe took a self-evaluating moment he broke into the smile Finn remembered loving so much the first time he saw it.

 

“ ‘ey, I feel great.” He said, and glanced around for a time. “Wait, why’d I have to get up?”

 

“It’s a good deal into morning, and nurse will drop by...again….” Poe frowned and then blinked but before he could put more pieces together Finn brought him down for a kiss, just one, a long one, lazy and wonderful. He pulled back and rested his forehead to Finn’s.

 

“I slept through the night?” Poe asked in a small bit of wonderment.

 

“The whole night. Not one peep.” Finn said, a half grin tugging at him and Poe happily peppered Finn’s face with kisses and ‘thank you’s. Then there was a clearing of a throat and Poe stopped and felt like a teen getting caught for making out in the locking room. He slowly sat  up, straddling Finn just a moment, and gave him a wink before sliding off of the bed and to the floor.

 

Tal reached behind the curtain and rolled in two trays with breakfast.

 

“Eat up, Then Poe I need you to go take your meds and hit your points today. Finn we’re going to work on walking with help. So… “She lifted her chin just slightly, and smiled. “Dameron if you want to help you need to not lag in your checkpoints.”

 

Poe was always so surprised at how methodical the twi’lek was. Not room for wiggling, at least not in front of him. But she knew what he wanted, and it was to be here and helping.

 

“I helped with two of those marks already, Dameron. Full night of sleep and breakfast. Take care of Lotham and then be back here after lunch.” Tal moved to set Finn’s tray in his lap and Poe walked to take his own. He gave the nurse such a startling smile that it made her breath hitch, then she poked him hard in the chest. “ _Qa?_ Save those looks for him. Go. go go.” She waved herself away and back through the curtain, a string of Ryl following her as she went.

 

“I think she’s warming up to me.” Poe said as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed with his tray.

 

“I have a nickname.” Finn said with a smirk, which made Poe drop his fork.

 

“What! What is it?” He asked looking a bit miffed, but Finn wasn’t sure if it was because he had another name suddenly, or if it was because Poe didn’t get a nickname. Or if it’s was all in jest.

 

“Uh, Dira’Ayy? I think is what she says. I have a hard time with saying it right.” Finn wrinkled his nose and then shoved some food into his mouth.

 

“Diarrhea?” Poe asked. Which caused Finn to choke. He coughed a few times and managed a hard swallow.

 

“No.” Finn shook his head. “No, Dee-rah- Ey.” Finn said a bit more phonetically, which is how he had been practicing. But with the accented lifts of Tal’s tongue, it still wasn’t quite the way she said it.

 

“Huh…” He frowned and ate some bread. “Wonder what it means…”

 

“Probably means big lug.” Finn snorted and bumped his leg against Poe. “Don’t even worry over it.” Finn began to eat, thankful for his steadier hands making him look less like a old man and more like someone his age. Poe watched him thoughtfully he tentatively rested his hand on Finn’s leg, the covers of the cot between them still. He let his thumb rub circles on his thigh but kept his focus on finishing his breakfast. “You okay?”

 

“Yeah. Thanks again.. for last night…” Poe said with a small smile. “I’m going to try and finish everything quick today. Starting with a shower and ending with being here.” Finn snorted at his words and shifted his tray so he could lean up and over to Poe.

 

“You do you. I was more than happy to help.” Finn mirrored Poe, placing his hand on the pilot’s leg. ”I’ll be able to help more when I’m out of here.”

 

“Ah-ha. Help me, you need help too.” Poe said embarrassed, moving his hand away. Finn reached out and grabbed it back.

 

“You’ve been helping me. So much Poe I… I want to help too. I care… I care a lot… and…” Finn sucked in a breath. They had talked about it last night but it was still strange and new for the ex-trooper to say. “I love you.” He’s pretty sure he did. He felt for Poe what he hasn’t felt toward anyone. Poe glanced away and Finn squeezed his hand with all his might. “I love you.”

 

Poe’s shoulders shook. At first Finn thought he was laughing, but he found soon that Poe wasn’t. Finn shifted things quickly out of the way and found himself tugging a reluctant Poe back down alongside him. The pilot hid his tears in Finn’s chest and then came the emotion filled “I love you too.” With a sound that was between a sob and a laugh, before he flowed into a bark of a laugh. “I’ve loved you for a while.”

 

“Sorry it took me a bit to catch up.” Finn joked and huffed into his curls. “You okay?” He asked a bit softer.

 

“Yeah…” He said composing himself again. “Yeah just happy.” He murmured. Poe finally moved out of Finn’s arms with the promise he’d be back soon.

 

The day passed normally for the both of them. Finn went to see Lotham himself today, then had lunch and waited for Poe so he could help with Physical Therapy. Poe had gone in to see Lotham after Finn, unknowingly. Poe brought up Finn a lot more this session and the Doctor just nodded graciously along, letting Poe work out his ideas and feelings out loud.

 

“I hear you didn’t have any trouble with sleep last night.” He points out. Poe rubbed the back of his neck and gave a breathy laugh.

 

“Probably a fluke.” Poe offered up, though sleeping near, well, on Finn felt great…. Though maybe not to Finn. They needed a bigger bed for that.

 

“Only way to test if it isn’t a fluke is to try it again. I can make arrangements.”

 

“Oh… Oh wait but, we should ask Finn if…”

 

“It’ll be fine, he’s already agreed to it. If not now, then in the future. He’s rooming with you starting in less than a week.” Poe felt like the world dropped out from below him and he didn’t know whether to fly in elation or sink with dread. “Mister Dameron?”

 

“Oh… Oh shit, I mean, yeah that’s great! I should pick up some… a lot. Getting a room to yourself means… Ah… yeah I’ll work it out.” Poe bumbled along and flashed a grin. He was genuinely excited, he just hoped Finn was too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, leave a comment and some love!


	9. Flying Steady

It’s been four days. Four days of training recruits. Four days of strengthening muscles. Four days of sleeping in cots. Four days of doing better, getting closer to living together and achieving freedom from the medbay.

 

One night of nightmares. Four days of not taking his nightly medication because he feels like he’s been doing so well. Four days of lying to the staff. Four days of feeling like he owns himself just for one night to make him fall apart.

 

 _He can feel the cold, clean metal as it bites into his hot, grimy skin. Head spinning. Heart racing. The scenery around him is warped. Part_ Finalizer _Part Medbay. It smells of disinfectant and infection, but mostly of blood. Blood that runs down his face, and hair, and neck. He sees a bed on the other side. Finn lays in it gasping for breath. Poe struggles in his restraints, calling out soundlessly. Finn looks like he’s dying, he needs to save him!_

 

 _A shadow forms between them, tall and looming. It wields a weapon, a red lightsaber._ _Pressure builds in his head and he cries but no one hears him. The shadow figure, Kylo, it has to be Kylo, moves to Finn._

 

_“I’ll finish what I started…” His voice booms and he strikes down Finn. The gasping sound stops and Finn lays still. He tries to scream. Poe hopes to wake up. But he doesn’t, he’s stuck and he hangs his head in defeat. But the pull of the force drags it back up._

 

_“No.” His voice finally rasps._

 

Finn stirs in his sleep. Poe is in the cot tonight, Finn needed to lay flat, it just felt better after today’s therapy. He glances over to his boyfriend to watch him sleep. They had started calling each other boyfriends. It seemed almost childish, but Finn couldn’t help but smile at the thought. He hoped to look at his boyfriend’s peaceful face but instead saw a face in pain and turmoil.

 

This causes Finn to lurch up. He’s not sure whether to call the nurse or try to wake him. He chooses the last option and swings his sore legs over the edge of the bed and finds himself kneeling at the Poe’s cot side.

 

“Poe… Poe….” He doesn’t know where to start. He knew not to wake troopers in a nightmare. You’d get decked, part of the idea of always being on guard. But this is different, he loves this man and he hates seeing the pain in his face. Is this what he’s been going through without him? He places a hand on his chest. Poe gasps but doesn’t wake.

 

_“Worthless. Couldn’t help him or your resistance safe.” Kylo has him by the throat, and he’s gasping hands balling over and over to white knuckled pain. “You’ll never escape me, Poe. I’ll kill him. I’ll kill you.”_

 

“Poe.” Finn said a bit more firmly, another hand to his forehead. Poe’s clammy, drenched in sweat, but cold almost. “Shit...Shit.” He begins to shake him some, lightly slapping his cheeks trying to rouse him. “Come on, Poe!”

 

_“I’ll destroy you.”_

 

 _“N_ O!” Poe’s voice is strangled and he tenses and he’s awake, released to the darkness of the back of his eyes but he’s afraid to open them. But comforting hands are touching him, a warm voice murmurs to him. Poe trembles at the kindness and leans into that touch with a sound of somber relief.

 

“Finn.” He sounded terrible and he could hear Finn’s gentle laugh. How could someone so nice have been in the First Order? Who wanted to kill this big hearted man…

 

“Poe, I’m right here. It’s okay.” He said and he could tell by the brush of his breath how near he was. Hands sunk into the curls of Poe’s hair and lips tried to kiss the creases from his brow. Poe still refused to open his eyes. He loved the comfort but was afraid of the pity, but then he realised that Finn wasn’t in the same bed and that meant… Poe opened his eyes and gave a huff. “What…” Finn said, a small smirk dancing on full lips.

 

“Tal’s gonna kill me… for havin’ you out of bed... and on your knees.” He tried to make it sound flirty, maybe even dirty, but it came out tired instead. Finn smiled anyway, what a trooper. (No pun intended)

 

“You okay now?” Finn asked, hands still in Poe’s hair, rubbing in delicious circles on his scalp. Kylo’s violent words had still rang in his ears but Finn’s warmth and touch was pushing them away.

 

“For now… but don’t…. don’t stop.” Poe felt his cheeks burn at his own words. Finn’s hand did the opposite, but just for a moment, before leaving his hair completely. _Shit_. Poe thought he might have gone too far but instead he found Finn’s hand gripping his.

 

“Come on, it’ll be easier on the bed. It’s just a bit bigger.” Finn stood up slowly, Poe rushed up to help him, feeling dizzy still, but he managed to hold both him and Finn up until they both fell onto the medbay bed.

 

Finn shifted the covers and Poe, clothing a bit sticky from sweat, slid in next to him, and then eased himself down so that he could rest his head on Finn’s chest. With the covers over them both, Finn’s hand found Poe’s hair again and he could feel his boyfriend practically melt against him. There was some silence where Finn thought Poe might have fallen asleep, but they both knew it might be a while before sleep came for Poe tonight.

 

“What was different?” He heard Finn ask of him, and Poe grimaced. The pilot knew exactly what it was, or what it might be. Poe’s hand gripped at Finn’s shirt before sighing.

 

“I haven’t.. uh… really been taking my medicine.” He said slowly, punctuating words with silence between them, like pulling teeth.

 

“What! Poe… Come on.” Finn’s surprised tone only managed to wound Poe’s pride some.

 

“I just… I had been doing so well. And with sleeping here I hadn’t had a problem. So I just… I just wanted to feel normal.” Finn understood wanting to feel normal, he leaned his head down to rest on his and hummed.

 

“Poe, you need to take it. Nightmares will probably come medicine or not but… just take it. I..” Finn sighed. “I don’t want you taken away from me….” Finn closed his eyes and just listened to Poe breathe as he thought over Finn’s words.

 

“I’m sorry…. “He lifted his head and pressed his lips to Finns rounded jaw. “I’m sorry.” He murmured again, placing another kiss against his neck. Finn moved and captured his lips at the next attempt at an apology. Poe pulled himself up to Finn’s level. He felt his boyfriend’s hand move from his hair and rest on his back pulling him back down into the kiss, to which Poe happily opened up to. There was a nip at Finn’s lips before Poe pressed his forehead to Finn’s and sighed.

 

“Tomorrow we move in together. I’ll make sure to help you remember meds if you help me not go stir crazy.” Finn said quietly. Poe gave a smirk and playfully rolled his hips against Finn’s.

 

“I know a few things that can tire you. But we can stick to walks for now.” Poe said in his suavest voice, which caused Finn to smirk and gripped at Poe’s hips to still them.

 

“And for now, let’s try not to look tired in the morning…. Want to try to sleep again?” Finn offered. Poe looked reluctant before easing back down into draping himself over Finn like a second blanket.

 

“I don’t think I’ll sleep but…”

 

“Just try…” Finn insisted, and rubbed his hand over Poe’s back, feeling the tense muscles through his shirt and tried to make them relax. Poe sighed a closed his eyes, trying but it wasn’t easy. He was caught by surprise when a melody, hummed low, washed over him like a calm. Finn was humming the song Poe had hummed and sang for him while he was out. The old lullaby. It was comfort, reminded him of home, and drug him down into the world of sleep. He slept more soundly wrapped in the warmth of Finn’s love.

 

The next morning was one of celebration. Finn walked out of the medbay on his own, with the support of a cane just in case. Everyone went to breakfast and Finn got to talk to Snap and Jess and the other pilots who were eager to tell stories as much as hear them. Poe happily sat next to Finn, quiet but feeling safe in the company of friends.

 

No one pushed Poe to talk for almost the whole lunch, which he was thankful for, but eventually a question was thrown his way by a member of the y-wing squadron.

 

“How are the new recruits flying? I think some are looking like they’re ready to fly some simple missions?” It took Poe what felt like hours, but was a brief second, to realize he was spoken to. Poe blinked and thanked the maker that the question that he finally had to answer was easy.

 

“They’re still a little green in areas. But I think they could start running trade route checks under the supervision of a squad leader.” Poe said as he scratched at his scruff thinking it over. “There’s one girl, a Twi’lek actually, she’s very observant, picks up moves fast. She’s ahead of the others. Koyi Me-”

 

“Oh hey, she’s the one with purple skin, blue eyes?” Jess asked in piqued interest.

 

“Yeah.” Poe nodded and raised his eyebrows. “How’d you know?”

 

“Saw her at the shooting range. Look like she’s going to be a well-rounded fighter.” Jess noted giving the group a grin. “And with Poe teaching them, the rest should come along quickly.” Poe just smiled through the support Jess was giving him verbally, and Finn’s steady hand that rested on his thigh. The whole event went off perfectly. After breakfast Finn and Poe went back to their shared quarters, talking quietly to each other along the way.

 

A month has passed by.

 

Things are changing, but likely for the better. Finn can walk confidently now, Poe is allowed to break atmosphere, and all in all, if there was a contest for best on base couple, they would win. There had been a rough patch here and there, Finn had slipped and thought he had reinjured his back, but had only just bruised it. Poe had receded into a week of nightmares and breakdowns once Rey and Luke came back. But Dr. Lotham had helped Poe bridge the gap between himself and good force users, like Luke and Rey, and distinguish their powers from what Kylo had done to him. He even took up some meditation techniques laid out by Luke to help him keep himself in control.

 

The month after that was a big upheaval. The base was being moved. The Resistance had it’s time to recover and expand, but so had the First Order. They needed a different place to be and with Poe’s recruits flying recon missions, they found a replacement planet rather quickly. When it was time to go, Poe loaded his x-wing into a cruiser ship and took a small cargo ship instead as his ride, so that Finn could join him.

 

“How long is it going to take? Is it far enough from the Order? I know we are all making different jumps, where’s our rendezvous?” Finn chattered from his co-pilot spot, anxious over the change, but excited too.

 

“Finn-” Poe laughed and waved away his questions. “Our launch points are Naboo, Dagohbah, Mon Cal., and then to our new secret base.” He said as he put in coordinates to the ships Navi-computer. The ship was sitting idle in space, waiting for the General’s okay to leave. BB-8 gave a sharp whistle and looked to Poe, shifting back and forth on his spot. “I know, BB. General Leia already knows.”

 

“Knows? Knows what?” Finn asked looking to the droid, interest piqued again.

 

“It’s a surprise.” Poe said and right when the comm’s opened and the lit of Leia’s voice came over it.

 

“Alright, we’ve got our navigation points. I will be waiting for you all at our new home. May the force be with you.” Leia’s voice was filled with hope and warmth and it seeped into everyone’s bones. Then Poe launched them into hyperspace. He stood up and stretched.

 

“We’ll be in hyperspace for a while.”

 

“But Naboo is in the same system.” Finn said as he ran through their jump spots. “It’ll take us just barely a minute.” He gave Poe a suspicious look. Poe was smirking and turning to walk into the main area.

 

“ _We_ are not going to Naboo.” He cooed behind him. Finn processed this and then scrambled up after him. His back didn’t ache as much, and he was getting stronger and stronger every day. He’d be back to his old shape sooner than he thought.

 

“Where are we going?” Finn asked tailing him.

 

“Jakku.” Poe said with ease. Finn stopped in his tracks.

 

“No, No Poe Dameron, you better turn this ship--”

 

“I’m joking buddy! We’re going home for a bit.” Poe couldn’t help but laugh. He was happier now, he still had demons to fight, and things to work out but, for now he was doing better. Finn sighed and punched Poe in the arm.

 

“That would have been the worst.” He said as he flopped down onto the couch. Poe settled beside him, rubbing his arm just a bit. “Wait, where’s home?” Finn asked curiously. The only answer given was Poe pressing his lips fiercely to Finn’s. Soon, Finn forgot all about the question as they lost themselves in each other’s embrace.

______________________

Finn lay sleeping on Poe’s chest. They still had a few more hours left, Yavin 4 was on the opposite side of the galaxy from D’qar. He had gotten the approval from Leia to take a few weeks off while they get settled at the new base. He’d be on call in case something happened, but for the most part they were on their own. Poe’s fingers trailed over Finn’s back, warm and broad, and smiled.

 

Finn’s saved his life now, probably more than Finn knows. He’s kept Poe grounded in a way that kept him from having to be discharged, or locked up, or possibly dead. He could never know a way to tell Finn this more than loving him completely. He’d be taking Finn back home where he grew up, take him to his favorite spots. Ask him and important question that he hoped the answer was ‘Yes’ to. Their life together would never be easy, war is never easy, but it’ll be worth it, if they make it, just for moment like this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to write a small epilogue. I realized writing this chapter that I felt like I was just drawing things out. So I'm going to pull this fic to a close with the last chapter, though this one could be an ending too.
> 
> I do write other storm pilot things, if people want to read those too.
> 
> As always, I love to hear from you all!


	10. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An epilogue because I really wanted to write at least this.

It had to wait until another swell of peace. It was almost a year when that happened. In that year they lost friends to the hands of the First Order, and they gained new ones as their movement grew. It took lots of planning but the Resistance finally got another chance to deal a lethal strike against their foe. Until finally, that moment came, when all their loved ones could be with them at Yavin 4. Almost the whole Resistance showed up, what was left, to celebrate this momentous occasion.

 

Luke and Rey stood at the top of the steps of the temple in their brown billowing robes, looking both plain and noble in them. Between them was Leia in all her elegant attire looking every bit the princess the Rebellion remembered her for and a squeaky clean BB-8. The rest of the resistance stood along the steps as onlookers to the ceremony. Flowers were whirling in the air with the blooming season as two men began to ascend the steps together, hand in hand. Poe looked older, the stress of the war finally starting to age him with wrinkles that crinkled at his eyes when he smiled and the shimmering strands of grey that laced through his dark hair. Finn had filled out his ceremony clothes nicely, a few new combat scars, but what he wore best was the broad smile that wouldn’t seem to leave. Because today was the day they were getting married. Bonded. Paired. Whatever they called in across the cultures. All that mattered was that they’d be each other’s, as if they weren’t already.

 

Jess watched like a grinning idiot and hugged Snap tightly as they passed, he couldn’t help but laugh because he felt the same way. Excited. Happy. Alive. Tal’Karin watched with pride that her former patients were doing this well and looking this happy. She gave them a nod when Finn glanced over, and he gave a nod back. The rest of the crowd gave whistles and shouts as they finally got to the top of the steps. It was cacophonous. Leia waved her hands over the crowd to settle them down, it took a few passes, but they did.  

 

“Thank you all.” Leia said with a smile and the paused to brush a flower petal from Poe’s hair, which caused him duck his head and give a slightly nervous laugh.

 

“Today, not only do we celebrate a time of peace across the galaxy, but also a union of two very special people. Poe Dameron and Finn.” Leia spread her hands to present them. “I’ve known Poe ever since he was barely knee high. I knew his parents, I fought with them in the warm, and I know if they could be here today, to see the brilliant commander you’ve become, Poe. They would stand as proud as I stand here today.” Her words were heard by all, but Poe knew that she truly meant it for him. There were cheers in agreement, which made Poe a bit misty eyed, Finn looked upon Poe, feeling lighter than air. He had overcome so much, they both had, to be standing here today.

 

“Finn..” This drew his gaze back to Leia. “When you came to us, no one really knew what to do with you. But you made yourself useful quickly and showed loyalty in the face of death and more. You’ve won our hearts and our friendship, we couldn’t be more thankful that you found Poe, brought him home, and saved the resistance a few times over.” At her words, his heart overflowed, he stood up straighter and grinned wider. Rey looked like she would cry, and gave a small laugh instead.

 

“Sorry, I’m just… happy.” She said covering her mouth and grinning anyway.

 

“With all of you as witness, I ask you both to make your vows. Poe?” She asked stepping back into the line of people. Luke gave his sister’s shoulder a squeeze and smiled through that bearish beard of his. Poe nodded and turned to Finn, taking both his hands and giving them a squeeze. Finn could tell he was shaking some, nervous, but happy. Finn gave an encouraging squeeze back. They had practiced this, Poe had control of making it the long emotional one, or the short easy one.

 

“Finn...” _Ah, the longer one._ “You came to me in a time when I thought no one was going to save me. I thought I was going to die that day on the _Finalizer._ ” Poe paused and it seemed as if he was going to stop but he took a breath and continued. “And you came in and broke me out because of all the people on that damn ship, I was the pilot you needed.” He laughed and sighed. “Since then, you’ve come back to save me every time I’ve needed it and I know it’s not because ‘you need a pilot’ or ‘it’s the right thing to do’ but because we love each other.” He smiled warmly down at their hands. “Finn, thank you for saving me and loving me every day up to now, and from every day here on out.”

 

He finished and Jess let out the loudest _whoop!_ from the crowd and Poe moved his gaze to her and grinned. She gave him a thumbs up and Snap was behind her smirking but trying to get her to settle down. Leia then nodded to Finn and he took in a deep breath and looked at Poe, reminded of all they’ve been through together. Then gave the most brilliant of smiles. Poe, to this day and beyond, will never understand how the Order tried to harm such a perfect man.

 

“Poe Dameron. You gave me a name, and you’re about to give me a second. You helped me find myself, and become more than what I thought I was. You waited for me through injuries and we worked together to… to” Finn licked his lips, he forgot what he was supposed to say so he just put on the cheesiest grin and winced. “I need a pilot.” Poe smirked and pulled a hand away to rest it on the back of Finn’s neck.

 

“You need a pilot.” He responded and moved in to kiss him, the crowd getting ready to cheer for them once more but the shrill whistle of BB stopped Poe just short. He rolled over, opened a compartment and held out two rings. “Oh, hey, thanks BB.” He said taking Finn’s ring.

 

“Oh, yeah.” Finn said in almost a whisper before taking Poe’s. The slid each other’s rings on, simple bands, but they meant the universe.

 

“Okay, now, you may kiss.” Leia said with a sigh and laughed a bit as Poe tugged Finn to him and kissed him hard.

 

The sound from the Resistance was almost deafening. Cheers went out, one squadron of X-Wings screamed overhead setting off flares as fireworks above the tree line. When they broke the kiss, Finn and Poe turned to the stairs from whence the came and Leia announced loudly over the dying roar. “I now present Poe and Finn Dameron!” Leia covered her ears again as the crowd wound up once more. Poe interlocked his fingers with Finn and he pulled him like a giddy schoolboy down the stairs. They didn’t get far before fellow pilots came to congratulate them. They were all ushered into the dining hall, no way were they about to let their pilot run off with his husband just yet.

 

There was music, food, dancing, and so much alcohol. Even Luke had an ale or two, to some people’s surprise. Jess kept stealing one person or another for dances. Rey was sneaking tastes of every dish she could find, still not having fulfilled her dreams of tasting all the things, that and food with Luke wasn’t the best. Leia watched from the sidelines until a young cadet would ask to dance and she couldn’t refuse. Poe eventually got to dance with Finn. The song was slow and wistful. They danced close and swayed to the music, Poe hummed along, he knew the tune, Finn recognized it, but wasn’t was familiar.

 

“You know...Who is going to respond when they just call out Dameron?” Finn asks with small laugh.

 

“Too late to wonder, buddy, you’re stuck with the name now.” Poe teased and pressed his forehead to Finn’s.

 

“Mmmm, I like it though… Finn Dameron..” He murmured and moved his hands from Poe’s shoulders to his hips instead. Poe smiled and pressed his lips to Finn’s for a slow sweet tasting kiss. The two were interrupted by Leia, who took Poe for a turn around the floor, Rey took Finn.

 

“Ah! I’m so happy for you two! The food here is pretty good as well.” Rey said as they whirled around the floor, much differently than Finn had been just dancing with Poe.

 

“I’m just glad you could make it with all that training he has you doing, _Jedi Knight_.” He beamed, proud of his friend in return.

 

“Hey, that was supposed to be a surprise!” She gasped pinching his arm playfully.

 

“Ah, well, BB-8 told Poe, who told me. But hey! It’s a wonderful surprise.” He said as he lifted her and spun, Rey’s robes flowed out as her laughter filled the air.

 

On the other side, Leia and Poe danced rather formally in silent admiration before she finally broke the silence.

 

“I’m proud of you, Poe.” She said and Poe quickly nodded and gave her a grin reminiscent of Han.

 

“I know, General.” He answered but Leia shook her head and took one hand and pressed it over his heart.

 

“No, Poe, really. I couldn’t be more proud. You’ve done well and at least… at least I could do one thing right with someone I could consider a son.” Leia’s smile was small and though he appreciated the compliment he could still feel the pain in her eyes. Ben...Kylo… was still missing after the last attack on the Order. Leia was sure he wasn’t dead but no one seemed to know where he was. She could only hope for her son to come back to her in some way. She felt like a failure as a mother to him, and though Poe wasn’t a replacement in any sense, he was still very close. Poe drew her into a tight hug and leaned his cheek against hers.

 

“Thank you.” His voice vibrated with all the emotion he had for her.

 

The night began to wind down. A lot of folks had gone off to use the old bunks of the former rebel base to sleep in until morning. But the squadron members stuck behind to continue their drinks and storytelling. Everyone was enjoying the time away from fighting. Finn was listening to someone from the Y-Wings talk about his time before the Resistance when Poe came up behind him, arms sliding around his waist and chin resting on his shoulder.

 

“Let’s go, we have some more celebrating to do.” He murmured huskily in his ear and Finn couldn’t help but blush slightly.

 

“Yeah, okay.” Finn said as he rested a hand over Poe’s, their bands clinking against each other. They slipped away quietly, only Jess noticed them leaving, but she didn’t say anything, instead she leaped into a story to keep the others from noticing instead.

 

They first had to take a small shuttle trip to a clearing that was closer to the Dameron household, then they walked through the dark forest, illuminated by a light along the path to his home. The place where one year ago, Poe asked Finn to marry him, and where one year ago Finn said yes. They stopped by force-sensitive tree planted there by his parents and stood in silence for a moment. Part reverence, part awe. The sounds of the Yavin bugs chirping in the night filled their ears for a while before Finn spoke over them.

 

“Let’s get inside, hmmm?” Finn squeezed Poe’s hand and Poe smiled turning with him to go inside their home. Finn stopped at the door and paused giving a small mock bow. “After you, Mister Dameron.” He said with a chuckle.

 

“Ah-ah! After you, Mister Dameron.” Poe said with a much more formal bow and Finn laughed and stepped inside, pulling him right after. “Hey, easy big guy.”

 

\---------------------------------------------------

 

Finn and Poe Dameron.

 

Poe and Finn Dameron.

 

Mister and Mister Dameron.

 

Poe found himself mulling over their names as they laid naked in bed. It still took time for him to fall asleep and Finn usually trailed off first. Poe enjoyed that though, being able to see his love sleeping peacefully against him. He was happy to be married, no one would convince him otherwise. His concern came from how long this peace would last. They would be given a few weeks to go on a honeymoon and then check in with the base to see how rebuilding was going. Poe is absolutely sure this isn’t the end of the Order. Something new will come from their ashes, just as the Order came from the ashes of the Empire.

 

He sighed and pressed his lips to the tight curls of Finn’s hair, he’s been growing it out some, not much, but just more than ‘regulated trooper length’ and it was looking nice, it always looked nice. Finally Poe shifted further down under the sheets and Finn seemed to move with him, the two of them working in tandem as Finn spooned himself around Poe, and Poe pressed back into his warmth.

 

A sleepy ‘I love you.’ rumbled in his ear and Poe smiled contently.

 

“I love you too, Finn Dameron.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and the support. I felt like I needed to end this work before I over worked it. But I think it's a good ending whether you finished at chapter nine or ten. Please do read my other Star Wars fics, I have one still continuing and the others are finished.
> 
> Leave me some love, I always love hearing from you all how you liked or disliked what was written.


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